I'm having a really tough time today. I was watching the documentary Hot Girls Wanted (it's a documentary about girls in the **** industry. It actually gives pretty good insight as to what it's like for these girls) and it got to the part about abuse **** and I just lost it. First off, I don't judge what consenting adults do. If everyone is on board, then it's fine. Still, watching this girls face as she was forced to perform those acts just tore me up inside. I know it's all fake and they're just acting, but it brought back a lot of really real, painful memories for me. I was sexually abused over and over in a relationship 7 years ago. It killed me to the core and I'm still recovering to this day. Looking at her eyes, wet with tears. Watching those men hit her and abuse her. I just couldn't handle it anymore and I had to turn it off.

Today has been a tough day for me overall, but that just pushed me over the deep end. I guess I should be careful what I watch.
AmayaTsuki AmayaTsuki
26-30, F
5 Responses Sep 25, 2015

I have the same issue, and I avoid watching triggering stuff as it makes angry. Ironically, I became obsessed with abuse **** involving males.

There is not reason for people to hit others just to get their jollies..
I hope you are feeling better and life is going well for you.

I can relate. That is a really hard documentary to watch.

I was fine with it right up until that point. That part was just too much for me to handle.

It's not your fault at all that you watched the documentary or that you felt the way you felt. This is a bit different but a month ago, I was watching a show called Sense8 with a friend I met online and there were several clips especially about Nomi being in a mental hospital that rattled me to the core and the overall themes of empathy on top of the song that was played, hookah, and Iceland (two topics my ex used to like). The mental hospital scene reminded me so much of when I was having my ultimate mental breakdown after a huge argument with my ex that my ex had me committed to an emergency crisis center even though my ex clearly was provoking me to tears every day. Fortunately I got out after 2 days but was diagnosed with borderline personality. Anyways, I remembered after watching that scene, I had visceral flashbacks and couldn't get myself out of wailing on the floor. It didn't help that my friend online didn't understand how to handle seeing my first breakdown and kept on telling only I know how to self soothe, etc. And pretty soon she told me she needed time to herself the next day and I always wondered if I had anything to do with it.

It will always suck to see anything triggering no matter what. But it does pass eventually although sometimes it can be hard to control what you do see and in those cases coping skills like breathing maybe the only management. Hopefully there will be a safe place in the mind or real life we can all retreat to when crises like this happen.

That scene really rattled me to the core. I think the scene when Lito was going through his suicidal phase because of all the **** that happened...I had to leave the room after that scene and just sobbed uncontrollably for over an hour. I related a lot to that scene, and It was awkward bc I had to excuse myself in front of the person who I was actually was thinking about partially during it.

I haven't seen the show. I've actually been avoiding it because I thought it might get a little too emotional for me, having dealt with mental health issues myself. I think I'll keep avoiding it.

Have the same issues when I see tv shows or movies and I try to avoid it as much as possible.

So far, nothing I've seen has really affected me this deeply, but then again I don't watch a lot of things with women getting abused. If the sex is consensual and the woman looks like she's enjoying it, it may make me a bit uncomfortable, but it doesn't really upset me. This was way too much for me to handle though. I'm still crying about it and I stopped watching it an hour ago.

It is. I hate crying. I avoid it at all costs. But when I do cry, I always feel better after.

Yes it certainly is a good thing.

It doesn't matter if they last for a week or last for years. Abuse is a horrible thing to experience.

The bright side is you got out of it. That's what I keep telling myself :)

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