I see people saying, "just leave". Well it's not that easy. I think that victims of domestic violence would leave if they wanted to. But are too scared of what could happen if they did leave. Leaving an abuser is the most dangerous thing a victim could ever do. The victim can't just pack up their bags and go. Abusers have been known to find their victims and kill them. I'm sure nobody wants that. It's a process. The victim has to be ready to leave. Here are some things I tell victims...

1. Pack a bag. Have all of your important paper work with you.

2. Find a safe place. There are battered women shelters available, just about anywhere.

3. Do not go somewhere where the abusers can easily find you.

4. Keep a journal. Record everything. Save messages. Take pictures. Have all the proof you can get of the abuse.

5. Have a plan.

6. Leave when he's not there.

7. Contact the domestic violence hotline. The people there have been very helpful.

8. If you have to, call the police. Having someone there to help make you feel safe, is always good.


I hope you find these helpful.
Singlemother78 Singlemother78
31-35, F
4 Responses Nov 30, 2015

When I left my abuser, 5 months later him and his grown adult daughter tired to beat me up !!
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It is well known, first year after leaving your abuser is when they are the most abusive!

That is so true. I worry about ******* my abuser off. Because I don't know what he is capable of. I don't think anybody can protect me, sometimes.

Yea and i was helping out financially on house whole bills ! that were made while i lived with him . but when the two tried to beat me up ! i stopped all payments ! and of course it hit him financially hahahaha
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Little did they know they were biting off the hand that helped to feed them.

Yes my dad suddenly became abusive when I was 10. He always spanked us hard before that but it got worse. My mom thinks it had something to do with his birth father returning. He had been abusive to my dad and nanna til nanna left him when my dad was 5. A few months ago one night my dad beat both my mom and youngest sister really bad with a belt. My mom decided that was the last straw. Sarah came to stay with Jake and me while my mom went to her brother's house about 2 hours away. Luckily besides threats my dad never did anything else.

That's great you all were able to get away.

When I was 18 years old I got involved with a 36 year old man . ( I know ,,, he was way older than me ) but he was good lookin and treated me and my 3 year old daughter very well . For the first month . Then the monster came out . I'd leave but he would find me and make so many promises and everything was going to be cupcakes and roses .But it wouldn't be long till the abuse began again . The final straw came the night he tried to kill my little girl and me .I had left again and moved to a cabin in the mountains but he found us and broke into the house in the middle of the night . My landlord was a retired chief of police in the little town we were in and had been told of our situation by the people who moved us to the little log cabin. The land lord had set up a system of flood lights that all I had to do was flip a switch and lights came on all over the house . My abuser had both my daughter and I by the throats but I was able to kick him in his private and he let us go . I want to mention that this man was over 6 feet tall I was 4 feet tall . My daughter got out of the room and I screamed for her to hit the switch and run to the land lords . If it hadn't been for her running outside and up a dirt road after dark she may not have been here . As it was she flipped the switch and ran out the door . The landlord had already called the police and was on his way to help me when he saw my baby on the road . By the time anyone got to us the monster had run off . There was a restraining order against him and arrest warrent but we never saw him again. It isn't easy to leave an abuser and statistics show that trying to leave an abuser is a very dangerous time and people are killed during that time.

Wow! So glad that you and your daughter are safe. Leaving is extremely dangerous. I left my abuser 5 years ago, almost. And I am still afraid of him. I have a new and better guy in my life. I'm living with him and all. But my ex has abused me so much, that it left me in fear of him.

I ran into our abuser several years later . I was married to the man of my dreams and had 2 more daughters and had not thought of that guy in a long time . When I ran into him I was in a grocery market with my girls and the guy came up behind me and put his arm around my shoulder . I knew it was him without having to see him. I'm sure you have that inner radar as well . We were in town picking up a pizza and renting a movie. We were in the shop getting sodas which I accidently ran out of the market with. I also forgot the pizza so my husband drove back into town 30 miles from home and get the pizza and sodas .

Yes, I always get that feeling before he calls.

And they may be financially dependent on the abuser.

That's true.