For my girls I left. Not wanting them to think that it's ever ok to stay in a bad relationship.

For my girls I wanted them to know and see the error of my choices.

Never ever did I want them to find themselves in the same situation.

My daughter tells me that she's struggling in her current relationship. I ask her what's going wrong. She tells me that he's very insecure. That he makes jokes that are mean and insensitive.

I tell her to be careful. To make sure he understands that this behaviour can't continue. That these things are red flags.

Several weeks later. She tells me that they've been fighting a lot. She tells me that he's not happy with her current living situation and is giving her a hard time about it all.

We discuss the issues at hand. She agrees that things aren't healthy.

He messages me. We've never spoke before. He's telling me about how much he's trying and how she's not. He's telling me how she won't let him talk to her.

I say nothing. But I do forward the message to her.

He shows up. Uninvited. And attempts to force her to talk. He drove two hours from home to do this. He refuses to listen and leave. Her roommate ended up having to step in and told him to leave.

I receive several more messages. About how much he loves my daughter. About how he doesn't want to lose her. I don't reply to any of it. I forward it all to my daughter.

Oddly enough. He always seemed to know when I was talking to my daughter. I no longer use FB chat. I text her. And tell her to check all her stuff and change all her passwords. That I think he's pirated her login info.

She later tells me that I was right. He had been in it all and freaked when she confronted him. That he got pretty nasty.

I tell her to track it all. Keep all transactions. But to end it. That none of this is healthy. End it and cut all ties.

He sends me yet another message asking me to accept money from him in secret and went on to say he had promised her this money.

This guy is trying everything to get a response from me. I ignore it all.

She ended it today. He kept his temper in check but cried through it all. Making my daughter feel horrible.

And so I talk her through it all. Talk about how that all of this is behaviour is designed to manipulate himself back into her life. I warn her to cut all ties.

It will take some time.

Sigh. I never wanted any of this for my daughter.

There's this feeling of guilt. Did she learn this from me? Will she be able to break free and learn from this? I know this heart break. I never wanted any of this for her.

I will continue to try and educate her as much as I can. I hope it's enough to make a difference.
snowberry75 snowberry75
36-40, F
4 Responses Jan 11, 2016

Sorry to bear what you are going through. Why do people have to be such *** holes.

Your a great mother! Wise and protective.

Thank you. I try. :)

You are a strong woman for being there for her, and staying loyal to her. You are setting a perfect example from here on out for her. It's the very best you can do. Knowing that she has you is the strength she needs. :-)

I couldn't allow her to go through that alone. I'm glad she knows enough to come to me about these things. It's tough to keep my anger in check towards this guy. I know nothing I could've said to this young man would have changed anything. He had one hell of a lot of nerve to even contact me in the first place. No one comes between my daughter and I. Ever. Big mistake on his part because it made it so much easier for me to convince her how off this guy really is. I have a plethora of resources related to the subject of abuse to back up my words of guidance. I don't hesitate to use them. It helps to keep it more factual than personal. After all this is about her. Not me. :)

I love it!

But you said she ended it. You can ask yourself if she learned to find a bad relationship from you....or you can ask yourself if she learned to get OUT of a bad relationship from you! You wanted to teach her that it's not ok to stay in an unhealthy relationship and that it IS ok to leave one. You did just that. Consider this a success and keep guiding her and teaching her.

I really didn't think about it that way. It's the Mom in me hating to see my daughter hurting. But you're right. She did do that right thing in ending it. I hope she stands her ground on this and keeps it that way. :)

If she learns anything from you, let it be that.