I Was In An Abusive Relationship... And I Didn't Even Know It.
*NOTE* All names in this post have been changed.
Hi, my name's Lacey, and I was in a technically abusive relationship.
Her name was Nathalie, and she was beautiful. My own raven-haired angel. And I loved her. I loved the way she talked, the way she laughed. I loved her eyes, her body. But most of all I loved that she loved me back...
We met in the fourth grade, and we were instantly attached at the hip. Everywhere we went, it was like we couldn't be apart. We started going steady in the middle of ninth grade. Being with Nat was like being high. I was invincible. Nobody could touch me. I had the greatest girl in the school wrapped around my little finger and no one even guessed it.
I don't know when the abuse started, but it was some time in the eleventh grade. We had taken a break for the last part of tenth and for that summer, and we were back together, and it was like the same high as before, only much better. We were more mature this time. We did more together. But we never went all the way, thank goodness. The thing is, Nathalie had started talking to people online and giving them her phone number and talking to them all the time. I thought the idea was kind of cool, until I realized they were all in their third or fourth years of college. And they were all men.
When I realized that, I hated it. Hated the mere idea of it. I had watched those Dateline NBC shows where a little girl gets raped and murdered because of someone she met online. Nat was my girl. And I wasn't about to let anything happen to her. I voiced my opinion, and she didn't like it. She started getting defensive, telling me they were great people and all that jazz. I should've taken that as a warning. They were just online friends, jeez.
We broke up again. But it was for another reason I don't remember. Somehow, we had remained best friends throughout this whole experience. One day Nathalie called me, and we talked for a while. Then she asked me a question.
"Hey, Lacey... Do you want to try to be together again?" I should've known something by the way her voice had stayed emotionless, and how she made a big deal out of making sure I knew this was to be kept secret. We went together for a few months, and I had started accepting the fact that she had friends she met on the Net. But Nathalie had changed. She was more aggressive sexually. Almost as if she couldn't stop kissing me, and touching me all over. I simply took it like this was her way of showing me she loved me, but no. I was way off.
It was her way of using me.
Yesterday, I found out that she's been in a long-distance relationship with one of her internet friends for a year. She told me she kept trying to kiss me because she wanted to learn how so that if she ever kissed Nick (online dude) that she would be ready.
When that finally sunk in, it was liked someone had taken the air right out of my lungs. I couldn't breathe. It was like a gaping hole had appeared right where my heart was. I got finished with her on the phone, and she instant-messaged me for a while.
It was Nick. Nick Nick Nick. Nothing but Nick. She was upset because she didn't want Nick to find out about us, because she was scared he would leave her. I told her that if I got the chance, I was going to tell him. Because if you had the nerve to break MY heart like that, you don't deserve him.
I took her out of my contacts list and logged off.