In Sickness And In Health..

A wife returned, a mother relocated. What would I say to her?
I allow myself the luxury of lying on the floor, wallowing in my illness.
The last time that I was this sick, also with the flu, I was five months pregnant.
I could not take any cold and flu remedies and you refused to stay home, to prioritise your wife and child (or should that be children, as I had one in my womb) over your job, to care for us, to care for me.
I sat inside for three days, with our three year old child, barely able to move, sick and suffering.
Yesterday, once my body had emptied itself of the cold and flu remedy and the shivering came upon me once more, sitting in the passenger seat of a car driven by another man, by the other man, I tried desperately to conceal the shuddering, having recieved no care from one who proclaimed to love me, how could I show my weakness to this man I barely knew, this man who I brought into my life, through a mutual desire for my suffering.
I could not keep them back, the shuddering overtook my will, my body, the more I tried to repress it, the more it came, harder and harder, sending my neck and back into spasms.
He held my hand.
I was greatful for the warmth coming from the vents, the heat turned up so high that it roasted my cold shivering body.
When he drove me to the airport, later, after the flu had gone, mostly, I wanted him to place the collar on my neck for the journey and then remove it when it was time to depart, like when he takes her bra in eight and a half women, to signify he is setting her free.
Except I was not being set free, I was returning to a place where my wants, my needs, should have come last. Except I was never very good at putting other people first, unless being told to do it by someone who I had elected to give control to.
That is how it starts, the magnetism of the eyes, drawn to each other, looking, searching in the others gaze for what it is you seek.
The process of the gaze being refocused, to look behind and beyond the person, we once felt held the answer, is imperceptibly slow, such a gradual process that one does not notice until it's too late.
You didn't notice until I had run away across the world and now you will never hold my gaze like that again.
MaryIsMyHomeGirl MaryIsMyHomeGirl
26-30, F
6 Responses Jan 21, 2013


In the game of tennis two players of equal ability ....I happen to play tennis ....hit the ball back and forth. Each observing if the Other is tiring , watching for a flaw, staying alert, wondering what might happen next.

This can go for 5 minutes or 10. Rarely will it last more than 30 returns by one player.

Would it be possible that you and I are in a sense playing a mental game ?

I don't know, how would I?

Perhaps no one will ever be good enough !

That could indeed be true!

Wearing a collar is your need I sense

I've never found anyone worthy of giving me one, I thought the guy above at the time was, but he had feet of clay.

The other man and both bouts of flu happened in the UK.

Where did This occur ? Europe ?