Taking Personal ResponsibilityI am 54. I have been married three times. I filed for divorce each time. The first at 19 lasted 4 years. The second lasted 15 years and the third was 10 years. The first was a huge mistake, young and dumb. The second was a good marriage that I ruined and regret leaving. We are still friends, we still love each other (but not in love).
The third ended when she had an affair with another woman. The gender of the other person was not an issue with me, cheating is cheating. But what kept me from working it out with her is that she told me about 3 previous long term relationships with women. She had not told me she was bi before we married. I felt that was a significant deception and if she lied to me about that, what else did she lie about? We are also still friends, though more time must pass for us to be close again.
I am finished with marriage now. In all three relationships the fact of marriage meant nothing in terms of longevity. I did not love them any more (and I am a deeply loving, affectionate, supportive man) because we were married. I didn’t love them less either – it just didn’t make a difference in how much I loved them or was devoted to them. The only reason for marriage is if children are planned, then I would marry. But I have no desire to have children.
Still, it is deeply embarrassing to me that I am a three time loser. I would think twice about any person who has been married more than 2 times. I would want to know what happened and why and if the person placed all the blame on the spouse I would step away from the relationship. I am open and honest about my role in ruining each marriage, and I have learned my lessons.
Now I just want to find a loving, intelligent, well traveled mature woman to have lots and lots of fun with – great vacations, to cook meals together, make decisions about paint colors and take roadtrips across the desert. We can spend the money we would spend on a wedding on a spectacular month in Italy.