I moved here for college as a drama kid moving from one drama family into another, everyone here is really really cool and all of us got along just great like besties.

But there’s all of us girls and only one guy. He’s the kind of guy that everyone wants as a friend, big cuddly guy, AMAZING sense of humor, he makes everyone laugh and he’s such a fun guy, not to mention a good person to talk to. All of us are drama kids, so we were all in a show together and we really bonded.

He was really cool at first, I thought we were becoming really good friends, I wanted to be his friend very much so. In the beginning he was really nice, when I was being bullied he messaged me on facebook, he found me crying one time and he hugged me. I admit it, I did have a crush on him at one point……but h turned out to be gay…so that didn’t work out. XP

Either way he was really cool, then suddenly over times things started to change, I was suddenly feeling ignored, I would try and say something and he would ignore me or make others ignore me. I would try to get his attention to make him smile or joke around and then he would just go on as if I wasn’t even there.

Then we all went on a state drama trip together, it was really fun. I ended up rooming with him and this other girl who’s basically his best friend. The first night was pretty awesome actually, there was a random pillow fight, they hid under the bed to scare me, and we were having fun. It looked like things were going back to the good ol’ times again….WRONG!

The next day everything went on again, he was ignoring me, wouldn’t even look at me or talk to me! We were alone together and walking up to our room, and he walked as if he were seriously trying to get away from me, so I just up and asked “Am I annoying you?” there was a straight and very quick “yes” without even missing a beat or looking at me.

We were alone together in the room and it was about twenty-ish minutes before we were supposed to meet the others in another building for a show, it was so awkward, I can’t stand awkward silences, we’re “FRIENDS” so we should be talking to each other right?

I could not take it anymore, every little thing he did was getting on my last nerve, now, I avoid confrontation like the plague, but I felt this had gone too far, so I grabbed his attention and looked him in the eyes and bluntly asked.

“Do you like me? Because it sometimes feels like you don’t like me,”

He just stared at me with the blankest look I’ve ever seen on a person and just said “You’re not one of my close friends” so I’m like “Yeah but do you like me?” he said it again “You’re not one of my close friends” then he started listing all of the things that we don’t have in common like HOW THE **** DID THAT STOP YOU FROM ACTING LIKE A FRIEND IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?!


But I digress, I just sit next to him in one last desperate attempt to make him smile like old times and said “Well I would like to be your friend,” and he gave me that blank look again and said “Never said you weren’t my friend” he was toneless and had no life…or truth in his face.

That was it, I didn’t care if I was twenty minutes early, it was dark out, or the fact I would be walking alone, I grabbed my coat and just left, I started crying all the way there, thank god almighty my best friend just happened to text me halfway there and I finally spilled everything out to him, he couldn’t do much being a thousand miles away, but I’ll tell you what, he’s never stopped wanting to kill him since that night.

Eventually it was more than obvious that I had been crying by the time I got there so I came clean to everyone else, they invited me to stay with them for the rest of the trip…I know for sure who my real friends are.

Since then he had only paid me one compliment…and only showed one little bit of kindness and ironically it was that night when we went to the welcoming party, he walked by and complimented me on my new outfit…that was nice, but it was the very last nice thing he ever said to me.

Since then he’s been a rude and unfriendly bastard, and a ******* liar. He claims that we’re still “friends” BULLSHIT!!!! If you say you’re my friend then ******* act like it! He doesn’t, since then he’s actually been more rude to me.

A lot of times we end up in our hanging out room alone together, I will try to talk to him and strike up a friendly talk, but he’ll just answer with very short comments and answers then just ignore me for the rest of it all. Whereas if one of our other friends comes in and tries to talk with him, they’ll end up going on and on about whatever, I’m doing nothing out of the ordinary!

Why does he talk to everyone else but me?! Why does he treat everyone else like a friend but me?! I did nothing to him! Everyone else tells me not to notice him or don’t worry about it, but that’s not an easy thing to do, I mean we’re a drama group and we’re around each other all the time, whenever he’s in the room I sometimes feel pushed aside, I’m hoping this isn’t true, but I sometimes feel like they like him more than me, if they had a choice about who they most wanted to hang out with they would even give me a thought, I know that probably isn’t how it is but it’s how I feel.

I’ll never forget this particular time in our class that we all share together, at the time every single one of them had been cast in the musical, and I was the only one left out, I didn’t want to tell them but I felt incredibly lonely and left behind. Well this one time in class we all had to watch a movie for a video report, so I opted for a movie night with all of us together, RIGHT AWAY he suggests that he take the movie after me so they can all watch at practice together…without me, for me to watch all by myself as if I’m not already alone! I never told anyone, and I didn’t let anyone see me, I waited for everyone to leave before I walked home crying.

And just this week, my acting class was putting on this very small performance, and so for our final show, I picked out a flower for everyone in the cast…unfortunately that included him, so that night I wanted to make sure that everyone got their flower before they left, he was the first one about to leave so I reached out to give him his, and he stared at me with that very same blank expression that I recognized months ago, and then he suddenly made a face that just flat out spelled “I don’t want it”


I try to be your ******* friend! I try to be nice to you! You’re a bastard and a liar! Don’t call me your friend and then treat me like ****! I’m glad you’re graduating and moving away because I never ever wanna see your lying face again!

yet a thought still ponders…maybe I should just unfriend him on facebook and be done with it…
IHaveASadSecret IHaveASadSecret
18-21, F
May 9, 2012