Always Had A Need To Be Loved And Cared For By A Man But I Always Got The Losers!

From as far back as I remember I always had this crazy nee need to be loved by a man. Every relationship I had I was always taken for granted and used. It seems that with no effort at all I would pick out the same type of guy and always fall for their romantic crap.. I suppose I was always a hopeless romantic. I would give my all to the relationship and I would get nothing in return, and like a loser I would sit there and be there door mat until they did not want me anymore or I just could not take it anymore.
I even stayed away from men for 2 years because I was sick of them mistreating me and taking advantage of my honesty, respect and good heart. I was so lonely and felt so empty.
I met my now husband on a chat line and we had a long distance relationship for nine months and he was the best of the best when it came to charming the pants off you. I fell for him hook line and sinker. Now looking back I would have rather still be alone and lonely than married to him and yes, still lonely, miserable and a child (which by the way I would not change for the world as I love my boy with all my heart and soul).
I will be forty this year and looking at my life I really have not got much to be happy for apart from the joy I get from my son. My relationship with my husband is a lost cause and it's only a matter of time before it will be over for good!
I am writing this to let all the other women in the same boat as me know that we need to look at ourselves every once in a while and realise that we are also human and have needs just like anyone else on this planet. We have not been placed on this Earth for men to treat us like crap.

I know it is in our nature to be giving and wear our heart on our sleeves but we need to STOP and take note of the signs around us if we want to prevent the heartache that we so easily put ourselves through over and over again.

I can understand that we always give the benefit of the doubt to our partners and always listen to the excuses that pour out of their lying mouths so easily and hope that THIS TIME it might be for real. We find it hard to comprehend how another human being can be so cruel and nasty to another human being and we have a very large cage filled with forgiveness pigeons. Every time we get hurt, abused, mistreated, neglected we still release one of those pigeons and our partner goes on his merry way as if nothing has happened however we sit with that burden of the constant questions " How could he do that to me? How could he not feel any guilt? Why do I just sit here and let this happen.etc..etc..etc?

My journey in this life has not been an easy one. I have experienced a lot of pain and loss, been treated like a stray dog, and made to feel worthless. I have reached rock bottom many a times and sat in a dark hole for days wishing for my journey on this Earth to end.

We all have guides and lessons to learn and sometimes we choose not to listen to the messages that come our way or we ignore them, by doing this we stray off the path and venture into situations that are not good for us and we suffer.

Our first gut instinct is a very good sign to take note of. Looking back I can rarely remeber it being wrong but  I chose to ignore it and here I am today.

I had a very bad experience this weekend that involved my partner that really made me feel like a nothing, like a meaningless rag on the kitchen floor!

I suppose that is what I needed, to open up my eyes and see that no one deserves the treatment I got! No one has the right to treat anyone in the way he treated me!

I realised that even though it is very hard at times to really focus on yourself because you are so busy always giving to others, you do need to take a step back and realise that you are a human being and just like your partner you also have rights in this world.

As women that are door mats for these bastards, we need to unite and help each other, we must find ourselves again and grow strength together to make them see that we are no longer going to allow them to treat and make us feel like **** as if we don't matter.

WE DO MATTER! We matter more than them because we a genuine and we care about people and we respect everything and everyone around us. We have the right to feel happiness and love and yes I know that this will not happen over night but it will happen if we all unite, share our experiences and support eachother to finally feel that we to belong in this world to grow and learn and develop. We are not here to have the life sucked out from us and then tossed aside like an empty flavoured iceblock tube.

Lets unite and form a group where we can join hands and move forward together and when one of us falls we all gently pick her up and help her find her way without judgement, because we all know how hard it is to change and we need to change so we can shine.

Love you all and anyone is welcome to join and comment.
Wiltingflower Wiltingflower
46-50, F
3 Responses Jul 15, 2010

I love your post I feel this exact same way. About 5 months ago I fell for another jerk and of course I thought it would have been different but in the end I was hurt, ridiculed and made to feel like ****. I agree we need to unite because on a daily basis I remember his lies that at the time I didn't realize where ;lies and I think of all the red flags that I over looked once again. I blame myself a lot and can't stop thinking about all the effort I put in and he can just brush me off like it was nothing and make me feel worth less. his words are still in my head I could be having a great day and one thought of him instantly kills me. I want to move on and a few months ago tried to move on the only way I know how to someone else and this guy treated me not so good but I caught it early and was turned off and cut him out my life. But it just makes me feel hopeless and tired and like giving up.

there are many nice men out there thay others do not look at for some reason<br />
some of us walk with alimp some like me where different under ware dose that mean i cannot love and treat a person with respcet no way<br />
<br />
and thing has to be a to way street and you work at it each day at first it is hard and as time goes on it get easyser

All men are not created equal. I hpe that you and you will find your way to healthy and rewarding relationship as you and your son both deserve it.