Mistreated (mentally and physically)

I have had men mistreat me most of my life. I have been physically and mentally abused. If a man didn't abuse me he was a control freak. I have never been able to find a descent man to love me and treat me right. The worse experience I ever had almost took my life. One of my boyfriends tried to suffocate me with a pillow. I couldn't breathe and felt like I was going to die. My life flashed before my eyes, by some miracle my life was spared. After that happened I couldn't sleep at night. I was afraid he would kill me in my sleep. I should hate men but I don't judge all men by the actions of a few. I am a very forgiving woman, and won't stop searching for the right man.