In Bed With My Father

The very first time he came into my bed i felt a hand move through my clothes. i was 11 then, in class 5 and therefore very aware that whatever was about to happen was far from right. there was no need for him to whisper coz mama had blacked out on the bed in her room. so here he was, in my bed, moving his hands all over me.
i wanted to scream but i felt it was pointless..i wanted to fight back but instead i didnt move, i just stayed still/////stupid stupid me. and then he said that he could tell i liked it...gosh...and i dont know..maybe he was right, because my body was numb, i didnt feel anything. i cant tell.
he removed my clothes, now i let out a sound,like a scream,i dont remember...and he hit me.really hard. i was shaking. he pressed me hard on the bed and hit me again, and i could not understand why he felt the need to hit me...he touched me all over rubbing himself against me.heck i didn't even have boobs then!
then i felt his finger around my vagina and then inside and it hurt a lot. it hurt so much. i cried so hard that i couldn't feel the pain of his slaps on my face. i just knew that he was slapping me. and he continued to push his fingers through me as he made groaning noises.i dont know...i just...this is too hard...

he stepped out of my bed and i realised that i was bleeding. i was sore. could hardly walk...that night i couldn't sleep. just kept asking what i had done that got him to hate me so much. i still dont know..i just dont!

that was the first night of so many worse nights. years and years of this **** and now i cant stand this ...me..i cant stand me..disgusted by me. i wish i could backspace and just erase...me
nimimi nimimi
18-21
Dec 2, 2012