My Life

i was raped at 5 by my uncle but my family never believed me i didnt realise what was happening,then when i was 7 my grand father raped me again i couldnt accept it still believed it was my fault then when i was 15yrs i got raped off my step auntie and that was hell on 1 occasion she held a pillow over my face to stop me screaming i spent years wishing she had kept it there so i would not have to cope with the memories.that was 15yrs ago and every day is a struggle i just wish i wasnt here cant take it any more but i keep going xx

berni30 berni30
26-30, F
4 Responses Mar 15, 2010

I feel very sorry for what you had to gn through. All I can offer a few words of empathy. Don't feel depressed. There is a Supreme power above us. He doesn't leaves any sin unpunished. They who exploited you will no doubt suffer. You may attend yoga or meditation classes. They work. I recommend it personally.

Dear Goddess, please stop feeling so sorry for your self,,,many women have been raped and murderede ,,, be happy to be here now,,,because it is the hour of judgement and you will see everything for what it turly is,,,,this realty is fading,,,,and the Light will shine thou,,,we win and they lose,,,,I want you to go out side and connect to the Father and Mother,,,give them all of your grief and they will comfort you and give you your power back,,,,so you can help others exsape the unglyness of this world,,,,think about how the world treats God/Goddess,,,and how many times have they been raped by humanity,,,,I love you and if you need someone to talk to I am here for you,,,,Love and Light Mary

I just want to mention that there are treatments and methods that can work very well to relieve the symptoms, pain and memories, etc. Most victims share common false self beliefs. When those are replaced with "truth" a lot can change. The bottom line is that it all has to be "processed" including the buried and forgotten trauma. As long as things remain unprocessed and/or buried, the symptoms will continue to flare up when triggered....or maybe some are just there all the time. Methods such as EMDR work well and sometimes just telling your story to another person who understands the dynamics and can pick up on "keys" and "flags" that point to those lies you believe, etc can work. I've seen EMDR work near miracles in severely sexually abused victims. Don't want to give you false hope but I would like to give you hope and maybe suggestions or help in getting started...out of this mess. Life can be good again. Might not be quite the same, but it can be good. So....don't suffer needlessly

That is truly sad to hear. personally, I think you think about it wrong. Thats in the past, its done and ove with. Its who you are today that counts, and it these memories inhibit you enjoying life. you just letting what happened control you. Think more of the future and the now, let the past lay dead and gone and move on with a new spirit and new outlooks. Maybe you think you to blame, Well your not. But what you make of your life now, you carry the blame for. Forget that past and move on. God bless you. and God does not hold you responsible nor does he blame you. God is a just god, a good god, maybe you need him in your life, and the past out of your life.