I Try Hiding Behind A Smile

Its really hard for me to write about this. But keeping it in is probably a lot harder. When I started dating my now ex boyfriend he was sweet and funny and I thought I was happy. Im not sure when it took a toll for the worse I didnt even realize it. Somehow i was in way over my head with abusive. I lost all self confidence self worth. One day he wanted to have anal sex and I didnt. I told him no and he told me I had no choice. The look in his eyes was scary. He started to grab me and I tried to run. He kept trying to flip me over and I fought so hard to keep turned. I started to yell but no one could hear my screams I pleaded with him begged him cried to him and he just got angrier and angrier. I tried pushing him off but eventually his strength over took mine. I remember him having me pinned to the floor with my face pushed in the ground. He got on top of me and just kept going. I was still screaming still pleading, begging, crying, wishing someone would save me. But the more I did the harder he went. It seemed like it was never ending. Blood started to pour everywhere it didnt stop him. When he was finally done I laid in a ball crying and he kicked me. Told me "Shut up. Its your job to please me and give me what I want. And you liked it" .It happened a couple more times and he got way more abusive. I have scars all over my legs and it still bleeds. I finally got a restraining order and now hes trying to kill me. I dont sleep anymore, I dont really laugh anymore. Sometimes I wish he just succeeded in killing me at least all of this would finally be over.
Mewp Mewp
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 20, 2010

You shouldn't have to live in this fear. Press charges and accuse him of rape.