On Request I Will Share, I Try Not To Think About These Things Too Much, It Will Only Get Me Down

I was rejected for who I was starting early in life. At age 6 I was taken to a psychiatrist because I apparently was considered by my family and/or teachers to be abnormal in some way, and according to them I had ADD and needed meds. Interestingly, and I wonder if it was related, that was the beginning of things going downhill for me. It may sound dumb because I was so young, but before that age, I was popular with everyone. everyone loved me. I did get into some trouble and frustrate my family and sometimes teachers but everyone found me charming and endearing. I never had a shortage of playmates, and I was in with the popular group(yes, from kindergarten onwards the group remained the same except for me being rejected and a few people moving)--until that happened, and it seemed that since that time EVERYone rejected me!
I started out life so confident, full of so much self-esteem, so outgoing, ready to take on anyone and anything, I was bold and courageous and always happy with every day a bright day full of exciting new possibilities and fun. In a matter of a year or two my life turned into constant teasing and bullying and being rejected over and over.This did not stop until I left high school. In 5th grade I did try to redeem myself and get in with my old friends who mostly felt sorry for me but who on some level still liked me. But I decided to make friends with the new girl that was fat and unpopular because I was nice and I felt sorry for her. I thought she was a nice person(later on she proved to be someone terrible who never stood up for me, joined in, and tried to make me small to make herself big, but at the time she seemed nice). they said, "you can't be friends with her and be friends with us, you have to pick." that's when I learned that these were not the same people I used to be friends with just like I was not the same person they used to be friends with. I said screw that, I'll be friends with whoever I feel like.
That was only the beginning. I was teased for wearing glasses, enjoying reading, dressing differently, having freckles, being called to the nurse's office for medication, seeing a speech therapist, and being gullible and not knowledgeable about pop culture, among other things.
I have so many bad memories, so many. Here is one that really ****** me off which had nothing to do with other kids: one time in middle school the teacher or counselor insisted on giving me a special ed test I told them I didn't need, and they said, "we are surprised, you came out way above average! You don't need special ed at all!" Well duh, I was probably smarter than the people giving me the test but no one listened to me. What the ****. It seems like life has been continually out to get me for a long time.
The rejection from my family hurts me more than the rejection of my peers while I was in school. The rejection of my family comes partly because I am rebellious. They are all uber-conservative and catholic and tried to shelter me, and I resisted that. I rebelled against everything they wanted me to do and be, because I knew I could be my own person, and because I am different from them to start with. The other part of why they reject me is because I have a mental illness--they seemed to view me as less competent, less capable, less able, and refused to let me do anything independently, which only pushed me further away from them. I can tell there is always a part of them that secretly fears me. But now that I am older, they reject me because I reject them. I reject in advance anyone who has the personality or character of those who have rejected me in the past. I reject them because they have caused me so much pain, and because they feel a need to compare me to others or to talk down to me or look down on me, and for my mom, to talk to me like I am stupid. My mom has been the worst, the worst. I can't stand to be around her 10 minutes. I don't want to be so distant from my family but I have to because everytime I am around them, they inflict guilt or nagging onto me and tell me what I should or shouldn't do and try to make me feel bad about things. Also, tell one person in my family one thing and within minutes EVERYone will know.
Anyway I am sick of taboos.
Everyone rejecting me made me who I am today and I am very happy with who I am.
If I had been the person I was now back in my past, I would not have had any problems with people that were jerks to me and I would have had so many less problems...but I guess life wasn't made to be easy. However I now have a storehouse of wisdom more than most people and I was right everytime I said, "if this is supposed to build character then I have more character than everyone else I know!" I was right every time I yelled at my mom, "well I'm NOT most people, I'm me!"
I fought for my right to be myself, and it was totally worth it, and I still defend my freedom to be myself even if it makes my life harder. I AM different, and that's good, I am special and that's a good thing.
Think of every famous and most successful person you have heard of, and now imagine what would happen if they were just like everyone else, and they were "normal", and they "fit in".
I think that I have been rejected for a good reason, and that in return for my emotional scars I have earned some very valuable non-physical assets that most people wish they had.
SummerWind18 SummerWind18
26-30, F
10 Responses Jul 18, 2010

thanks, will try

Sometimes we have to give up a little piece of ourselves to make room for a little piece of a potential friend.

I completely sympathize with you and I fully understand your experience. Had a similar one myself. I embrace you for who you are and I wish you luck and success in your pursuit of happiness. Have the courage to know that life can be better. You are in control of your own inner space. Focus on the thoughts that make you feel good. When you feel down, simply observe yourself feeling down, without judgment. Just keep observing, and the feeling will dissolve. It takes practice but over time you can make it so that the thoughts within you are predominantly positive ones that lift you up instead of bringing you down. You are now free to do anything you want. Dream. Be everything you want to be. Forget who you think you are and live the life that you want to live. Happiness is your birthright. You can turn this around. I started making efforts a couple years ago and I have made a lot of progress myself. I strongly recommend getting a copy of The Power of Now. It is a really liberating book.

What if you were to take all those emotional 'scars' and refile them as 'learning experiences'? It sounds like you have learned a whole bunch over the years and have put it to good use in restructuring your life. Please though, try to get past the resentment. That's a long-term thing that will slowly and quietly eat at you. I'm trying and know that it is hard.

It's sad that this happens to people...we need to stay strong, and, it sucks to have memories like that stuck in your head, and it's a matter of going forward to make better ones...<br />
angeleyes, I wish you a happy loving relationship as well, and also for people to appreciate your beauty!!

I started welling up when i read this story cos i could completely relate to this, being confident as a child and then having your confidence ******** bit by bit through the years, by so many different people in your life. My mother was also the worst in my life, when i was 4 or 5 i was being fitted for a dress and i was quite chubby, and she said look at the state of you, you look about 9 months pregnant. I was so so hurt by the comment it still haunts me.<br />
<br />
But you are right you wouldnt be the person you are today if you didnt go through all that stuff and you are very fortunate to have such a loving relationship to keep you strong and minded.<br />
<br />
Have you ever looked up anything on the indigo children cos you sound like one, very much so. You may already know about them.

very inspiring, suzzzy

To most people there is a sharp dividing line between fiction and reality. But to me there is no line. I guess that's why they labeled me crazy. But let me explain, there is method to my madness.<br />
<br />
Everyones' story is a fictional story until the person who received the story lives it out. In my case I did not give my consent to this label they slaped on me. It was forced upon me. Which makes a big difference when I went inside my mind and decided the story they were forcing on me was too sad a story for me to live out. So I rewrote the story in my mind and am living out this new story that I wrote myself Anyone can write their own story. All one needs is a belief in ones' self which is stronger than the opinions of the idiots around you.

thank all of you for caring and putting nice comments

You have to be yourself. And to me, there is no more admirable trait than the ability to resist caving in to peer pressure. You should really be proud of yourself for not going along with the crowd.

My teachers tried to get me to take pills for ADD too! They tried up until I was in the 4th grade! xD