The Lies We Never Speak

I was sexually abused as a child.Until my early teens.
By my Mother's two brothers.
I think it started when I was about 2 or 3,I don't recall those early memories.
It stopped when i ran away from home at 11.
I don't really feel the emotion supposed to be associated with such a gross breach of a child's innocence.
I was never a little girl.
I grew up full of hatred at the world.
They are both dead now,by their own hand,and I suppose I'm glad for that,I just wish they'd killed themselves more grusomely,so they suffered.
I can never hand back what they put in me,their deaths robbed me of that chance.
I'll never know why,I'll never be able to spit in their faces and scream and cry.
It's has taken a massive toll on my life,it fundamentally altered my existence.
Anything I ever felt has long been buried deep in the recesses of my mind
And it's beginning to fester.
i can feel it oozing up through the walls,walls that have eroded over time.
I don't know if and when it surfaces completely how I'll cope
I'm tired of fighting life.
But the show must go on and I'm not afraid just wild!
I wish I could unearth their bones and torment them even in death
I will follow them to hell and forsake the Lord just to seek eternal revenge.

PurpleQueenofNowhere PurpleQueenofNowhere
26-30, F
4 Responses Jul 20, 2010

i feel your pain because all twelve of my molesters were related to my mother. the woman who they said were their favorite person. what did that make me. their least favorite of course. i wished the worse on every single one pf them. two are dead now. the rest are in torment. i have no desire to ever be in their prescence ever so i literally divorced my relatives. the pain you are feeling can only be lessened or taken away when you decide to hand it over to God. try to do that.. i was molested from the age of three to sixteen without a voice. fear and shame and guilt took that voice. forgiving them gave me freedom to live again. try that too. i know its hard but try it.

im sorry for wat u went tru but i know how it feels to be hopeless. i been tru that before but thank god i never got raped. im here for u my myspace and facebook is and my yahoo is

You're story's so similar to mine. I was molested by my mum's 2 brothers. From a very young age. And up until 10 or so. I too was angry and hated the world and myself ...<br />
Anyway just wanna say hope you're free of your anger soon.

the pain never goes,and we do get more angry with ourselfs as time goes by,i now the pain and hatered you feel.<br />
I realy do wish you the best.