I Did It Myself.......

About 5 years ago I met my last boyfriend and I fell in love with him. I was so in love that I would do anything for him. That this became reality I couldn't expect at that moment.

It started as a very nice romance, I loved him, he loved me and we did a lot of things together. I noticed that I started to be a little jaleous, he did get some attention from other girl, but sure he was good looking. And he was mine.

After 6 months I moved in with him. I was just 18 and he was 23. From that point things became worse. The more time we spend together, the less interested he was in me. I thougt that it was my fault so i started to make myself more interesting.

I noticed that he didn't pay any attention to me if I didn't want to have sex the night before. So I started to give in, and we had sex everytime he wanted. That worked for some time, then he wanted to do sexual things that are not really standard.... ans again he started to loos interest in my after i refused.....So i gave in, this went on for more then a year. each time he went a little further and each time I gave in, not directly but in the end he made me do it. The terrible thing was that he made it my choice, so he never made me do it, he playde with me so that I decided it myself.....

That year i went from a decent young girl to some kind of ****, doing all kind of sex acts that he wanted, DP, anal, roleplay, FF etc....After that it really became worse, he wanted to go to a swingerclub and if i didn't go with him, he would go with someone else....so I went... looking back at it, I have been his entrance ticket to the club, without a girl besides him they wouldn't have let him in. It has taken more then a year from that point for me te realise that I could stop it. In the mean time he has humiliated me, rented me out to others, watched doing the things that he wanted me to... and made me believe I wanted it myself.....I know that I said yes, but I didn't want it... He played with my mind...... It does feel good to have this of my mind, but the most important reason for me to tell this is that I hope that others my recognise this in their own relation before it is to late! You are important yourself, don't make anyone force you to do what you don't want!
linda linda
26-30, F
11 Responses Oct 26, 2006

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It is amazing what someone will do for acceptance. I would and did do anything with my two older male cousins just s they would let me hag out with them. I am the youngest of my generation. We lived in the country. It was the early 70's so there wasn't any internet or game systems. If I wasn't with them I was by myself. My confusion is that after a while I began to enjoy the things that went on. I haven't been with any other men since I left home at 18. I have had a lot of very satisfying relationships with women. It is just that there is always that thought about how I use to enjoy what they did.

be strong...and get back at your last BF...dont let him get away with what he did to u

ooh my... I really feel pity...n i can understand tat u feared 'u might loose him'... but the real fact of life is tat when u stop fearing .. the person comes more closer.. <br />
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bbye dear see u soon.. n hope ur in a more cheerful state of mind then... with u all he happiness in the world....

Why other kind of stuff did you 2 do?

you did it trying to keep him and you know now it is wrong, many things are fun to do with each other but you do it out of love not for love you do it becasue you love each othe and you sahre those special feeling with each others you never do thing to keep a person to me that is wrong<br />
guess that makes no sense

Sadly I can relate to this too as I met a guy when I was 16 and he was 21 and was so in love with him that when he asked me to do things I didnt want to - similar to yours but worse too - I just did them to keep him and eventually to get him to leave me alone. Luckily I am no longer in that situation but it has done damage to me and I SO wish I'd had the strength to say no.

That is horrible. I'm sorry you have to go through this. It’s just sad there are people out there that have the mentality to hurt others that care so much about them. I see it every day, and sometimes it makes me feel that the true definition of being human is deceit. I hope that your life goes on and gets better. All we can really hope for is a better tomorrow.

I'm Glad that you let this out for others to gain experience from, andy ou came out of it stronger

I'm so glad that I can write this on this site, no negative reactions at all!

It was very brave of you to share this. These things happen all the time and often go unnoticed because people are too scared to let it out. I'm glad I helped you and hopefully you help someone else as well.