I Thought I Knew Them

When I was a little girl my mom used to lay in my bed with me until I fell asleep at night.  Then she would get up and go to her bed for the night.  Well she used to do that for awhile until it was starting to hurt her back.  She then suggested to have my step-dad to put me bed.  My step father would always rub my back to help me fall asleep I would always go to him asking him to rub my back not knowing that it was leading to my future hell.  Basically long story short when It was time for me to go to bed at night he would rub my back after awhile his hands were not on my back and being a little girl I did not know what to do except just lie there. 

The sad thing is that it did not stop there I remember one time when I was in seventh grade I was taking a nap in the living room, my mother was sleeping upstairs in her room so he comes into where I am taking my nap and sits down next to me and forces my legs open as soon as my mother started moving around upstairs he stop. I told my mother, but she really did not care all I got told is that more horrible things happen to other girls she said and I quote " other girls get raped by their fathers".

The second time I was sexually abused was by my brother in my junoir year of highschool.  My cat that I have loved all my life was sick with cancer so my brother and I took her to the E.R for animals.  Later that night we went back home I asked my mother if I could go spend the night at my brother's place because I did not want to be alone that night and she said, " yes".  When we got to my Brother's place he said that he had recieved some wine as a gift from work and asked if he should pop the cork.  We said sure the next thing I know I am shooting down three glasses of wine.  Everytime I finished a glass he was refilling it.  Later that mourning basically because we went to bed really late he asked me to sleep in the same bed as him, Which I did not think anything of it because he is my brother and we slept together alot (nonsexually slept together). 

Then the next thing I know he is pushing himself up on me in his bed. Also later that night my brother told me a secret that has haunted him for years that I thought couldn't be that bad boy was I wrong.  My brother fantatized about having sex with me.  That was my second time for being sexually abused by two family members that I thought I knew.

atttddiva atttddiva
26-30, F
18 Responses Apr 14, 2007

As a man who coersed his little sister into sex, I too am sorry that you have been hurt this way. I was very confused about the role of sex and relations with my sister who I truely did and do love. But I mistakenly believed that she could and would want to help me learn how to relate in a physical way with girls ( I was VERY socially awkward. That is not intended to support your abusers just to let you knowthat when you are older than your brother was when he behaved so badly, you may begin to understand how confused and wrong minded he was.<br />
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I was lucky in that my sister decided to forgive me and work to help me have more proper relationships with women. Step dad is just a creep! and He should be a registered offender.<br />
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I wish you luck and pease,<br />

hi i am so sorry to hear about this i no the pain u r goin through and i cant bear to think how u feel with it happening twice. i was raped 10 years ago when i was 11 by my babysitter. i still worry incase i see him i still think about it every day and i still ask myself y didnt i just tell some1 but one thing i started telling myself now is am not 11 nemore and am not goin to be afraid to leave my househe cant hurt me now.. be brave tell urself that every mornin and u will start to believe it. best of luck x

Definitely i am very proud of you! you are very courageous in sharing your experience. I am a child protection advocate in one of the NGO's here in Cebu,Philippines. I have encountered many children who have the same experience like yours. Were doing advocacy in every public school empowering the children to speak out and stand up for their right. Still there are many children who experienced sexual abuse and every time they will share their experiences to all i can advise them is to forgive and forget. I always cried in my prayers for those angels who are haunted by their past. Go back to whom you believe who gaves you life, because for me i have faith that this evil things that is happening aroun us is just temporary and their will be an end to every suffering we encountered. Have faith and just believe. Live your life for God!

hi i feel so sorry for you. i no how you feel ma step brother did the same..x

Hi, i know how u feel, basicly it runitedd you childd hood, dont worrie, there the sick cHunts not uu.

it is a very sad story

it is a very sad story

I'm very sorry that this happened to you, although this has never happened to me before, i still hope that you can walk out of this miserable time.

I found your story really moving. You are really brave to have shared it. A friend of mine was sexually abused as a small child, 1st by her biological Father and then by her Step-Father (after she found the courage to tell her mother what was happening - her "Dad" was making **** with her in it. Ew....).<br />
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Anyway, my main point is that you are far from alone in not receiving support from your Mother. My friend did not either - in both cases. I really hope you have been able to distance yourself from this toxic situation, and have people you can talk about this to. :)

You make good points. How forced sex destroys our trust and beliefs. When these go, we go. It is that we dop not know who we are.

is pritty bad one ! i had similar experience but worse...at least it wasn't family member ...all men are the same !

im sorry this happened to u. it could be any1 else<br />
very do take care

Hey, Diva.<br />
Wow, what bad luck, although maybe there was some connection between your brother and stepfather's actions, I don't know.<br />
Apparently brother is the number 1 likely sexual abuser. I'm really amazed to hear that your mother reacted like she did, it seems so hard for me to believe that she could give up on you.<br />
As a man we all have these crazy sexual desires every now and then but nothing can justify letting them hurt someone so badly. Its such a shame something that can be so beautiful like sex can also damage someone.<br />
Thanks for sharing your story with me, I really appreciate it.

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im sorry this happened to you. this is so sad.

Please take care of yourself ((atttddiva)). I'm so sorry to hear your story.

I am sorry for your pain and understand it. I wish I could tell you it will go away in time, but it never will. It happened to me when I was 4 and I am 25 now and it still screw with my head.

hey i read the story and i find its very sad that somthing like that would happen to some1 who sounds so innocent and nice i just hope that u can put it past u and try and move on in ur live and try to not let that slow u down or stop u from doin what u need to do with ur life so go out there and have fun live life even tho somting this bad has happened to u 2 times wich is very sad to hear but just try and continue about ur daily regimet and do what u gotta do to forget it :)