I was 13 when I met this boy at a youth club (17-18). He was incredibly friendly, funny and easy to get along with, I have been friends with him for at least a year. He added me on Facebook and we just a normal conversation (Hey, how are you? etc.).

Eventually he started flirting with me, I personally thought he was joking, but I went along with it as I was really was attracted to him. One day he invited me round to his house to have sex, I had mixed feelings at the time, I really wanted to do it, but I know I shouldn't of. So, I went over his house, and we did the deed. I loved it, I felt over the moon, I thought I met the man of my dreams.

But whenever I tried to message him after that day, I never got any texts, messages, or calls. I became so depressed and went back to self harming. And when I did get a reply, it was always a "I'm busy". I felt so used and ashamed with myself.

As soon as I started to get over him, I went to see the Olympic torch down my road, it was wonderful, until I found him there, singing in the choir, instantly I broke down, but being surrounded by 1000's of people, I couldn't escape, my anxiety levels crept right up, and was starting to panic. I just had to try and hold out till it finished. As soon as I got home, I could feel the tears welling up inside of me. I decided to text him, as I knew he would of seen the message. I had to sort things out with him once and for all, i've had enough of him avoiding me.
The reply I got? "Please **** off!"

I cried the most I had ever cried in my entire life, my mother had to come home from work to comfort me, I felt absolutely destroyed.

Again, I started to get over him, 2 weeks after that day down my road, he messaged me on Skype with "Would you like a sleepover round my house?"

I didn't, he didn't even tell me he was sorry for being rude to me, he never understood how much he hurt me.

A day later he invited me round his house again, not for a sleepover, just to talk and such.
I was desperate to sort things out with him, I had to.

But of course, I ended up sleeping with him again. I went there to sort things out, and I just made it even worse.

He promised he would keep in touch with me. He never did, he removed me on Facebook, and told me he didn't want to see me again.

I saw it coming, I don't think he was comfortable with his sexuality, that's possibly why he acted this way. Or he knew I was vulnerable, and knew he could have his way with me.

Every single day I think about him, I become so depressed and feel so isolated, betrayed, ruined. I don't think I will ever be able to trust anyone again, especially in a relationship, I can never travel near where he lives without freaking out, I always think I see him in the streets, and always have horrible dreams and nightmares about him.

He's ruined me, I will never be the same again.

If only I had the guts to commit suicide to escape from all this mess, I would...
xxthestardust xxthestardust
70+, M
1 Response Sep 21, 2012

Forget him
Move on with your life
The first time is always remembered
But remember it is only the first time NOT the best time
Open your heart to new people... You will find a deserving mate