Used Babydoll :(

I was abused as a child by several people... My father, 2 cousins, an uncle, and a manager to a hotel me and my family were living at. The manager's abuse only happened once as far as I remember. One cousin abused me twice as far as I remember. The other cousin abused me repeatedly. My father did it the most. from ages 18 months old to 12 years old. The other ones were from ages between 7 years old and 10 years old. I have a lot of mental issues too. I don't know how to help myself and deal with the pain. I've had therapists, and they help somewhat, but I feel like I need something stronger or something and I don't know what it is... I get depressed A LOT. I always try really hard to make it go away when it comes and sometimes I'm successful in doing that, but most of the time I NEED to call a friend and just listen to them talk (has to be a very very good friend) and that helps, but there are a handful of times when music and friends don't help and I get suicidal thoughts again. I always try to push them down too...
BabyKitty7885 BabyKitty7885
26-30, F
25 Responses Dec 13, 2012

I spend a lot of my free time remembering and hating my past. Places bring up faces in my mind.
I have spent the better part of my life tripping over myself and picking up my own pieces... telling myself "Never again". But that's never the case. More and more I feel like Humpty ******* Dumpty. Parts of my shell are missing. That outer layer, that wall I've built that I thought was there to keep the demons out is actually what's keeping them in... but I know no other way.

I slam pills in my face every day to make myself more socially acceptable... but I'm so antisocial it's not even funny. I've thought about just ... NOT taking them... but I believe...or have been conditioned to believe...that the outcome of such an act would be clataclysmic.

I don't know if I'm even who I'm supposed to be any more.

****...lol
none of this makes any sense at all....

It does to me J... I get it... And I'm here for you. You can always talk to me about anything and I'll never judge you.

I do not pretend to know how you must feel but if I can help at all just ask

Thank you

I don't think you should keep pushing your thoughts down. I think what you need is to have a good mental detox... That's what I call it. When you are alone just yell, scream, cry. Do whatever you have to do. Everybody needs a good breakdown every once in a while.

I have nowhere to do that at :(

Drive anywhere isolated. Take a hike where nobody will find you. Even if you know somebody can hear... It might be a good idea to have at least one.person HEAR even if it's not purposely. They would hear your.pain and you would walk away with your chin held high. They would KNOW YOU SURVIVED. AND YOU ARE SURVIVING.

I don't drive

Just thinking about something like this hurts me. I truly can't say I know how you feel but I will talk you through anything you want to

Thank you. I really do need help.

I been thru that as well . My uncle did it to me . It affected me in Many ways I still cope with now. Here to talk any time

Thank you so much. Talking about it really does help.

Very sad story.

I wish it was JUST a story... :(

i know how u feel - kisses

Thank you :)

i was sexually started by my mom from age 5 n went on for a lonnng time i then did under her instruction take my two sisters repeatedly for many yrs n their sleep over friends as well i used them n didnt realize for yrs it was wrong can we connect plz

Yes. Message me please.

A painfully sad and very distressing years of abuse you endured when helpless at such a tender young age to protect yourself. The measures you have tried have evidently only provided very temporary relief and the mental trauma of your abuse returns and continues. Have you consulted a psychiatrist as yet. The extent of your problems with associated suicidal thoughts are indicative that you may require psychiatric intervention. I also think you need a companion who is very understanding, can not only talk through the issues with you but be with you much more than your other friends are able to and assist in guiding you and rehabilitating you back to good stable mental health, perhaps in conjunction with professional psychiatric advice and management.

You have a good long life ahead of you yet so you need to resolve and conquer the problems that are interfering with your life at present. The abusers have put you down and hurt you, but the best way to respond to that unlawful and painful treatment is to recover from the setback and lead a healthy happy confident and successful life. Keep yourself fit with regular exercise it is excellent therapy for not only your physical health but importantly for your mental health as well.

Babykitty you are now a beautiful woman fight determinedly and take back what was once yours, your good mental health and your life. No longer be imprisoned by your abusers emerge and conquer.

I wish you well.

Sincerely,

Fontana

Thank you so much :D

I was abused as a child it took many years before I could openly talk about the things that was done I had put them past in the past and leave it there there nothing I can do to change what happened I can't have them arrested I moved in with hubby at 13 and made mom tell him I was 16 hubby was 21 and when we got married he found out my true age and I had to tell him why he knew I had been abused but never asked who when or anything he let me decide when and what I wanted to tell I was with him for 2 years before I trusted him enough to tell what went on he lifted me up out of the hole I was in I now help other children of abuse thru church helping others is what helps me change what happened

If i can sudgest something, read Rape victim story, its a book a girl named Jenny wrote. It also has alot of websites in the back. I downloaded it to my phone from i books. I hope this helps.

Who is the author ??

Jenny baker wrote the book

Add me plz

Can I p m you ?

Sure

I agree.

It's an idea.

Thank you

It's a program for family and friends of addicts.

We are the collateral damage of dysfunctional families ?

But I'm not an addict...

Have you ever gone to Al Anon meetings ?

No.... What is that ?

sorry to hear that, u can talk to me when ever u need

Thank you

u dun need to thnak me :)

:D

taking your own life is never that anser

this is tarable thingd too have happen to some one i do wish you the best hun

I'm sad reading your story.

It's a sad story...

I just started dealing with similar issues a few years ago. I have had lots of problems with alcohol and depression, but also function well because of survivor instincts. I have ptsd. I believe in prayer and realizing that our abusers were sick people. We didn't do anything wrong - they did it. Be good to yourself.

Thank you

that's a sad story. Thank you for sharing your story. you are a strong woman. many women never tell things like this and they hold it in and that is not good because nobody knows how to help them. But you are in your way to a healthy mind and body. Cheers

Thank you

Prozac worked for me
Find a dosage that works for you
60mg keeps me sane
Also try a small dosage of Halopedirol
Therapy works ... But not as effective as spirituality

I take 40mg Celexa, 5mg Abilify, and 150mg Trazodone. They all seem to work pretty well with each other. Except I feel tired all the time :(. But I'd rather be tired all the time than depressed all the time.

Dear BK

Don't give me brand names, give me chemical names, as I am in India. I don't get the same brands

I was earlier on Mirtazapine ... Which made me feel very dopey ... Like what you're feeling ... I get it.

Are you in a good place nowadays? If not, wait when you are relatively peaceful and experiment with your psychiatrist with other formulas

You do not need to feel tired or depressed.

Try treating only the depression ... Not the bipolar

We are very lucky to be living in an age of so many options ... Explore them with your shrink.

If this post helps you ... Thank me by adding me to your circle

Happy New Year

God Bless You

I don't know the chemical names... And I'm not bipolar. Yes, I am in a good place.

The Chemical names would be written on the packing

If you are at peace currently, i would suggest visiting the doctor and experimenting with a change in your meds

While lethargy, lack of concentration and sleepiness are side effects, you should be able to find a combination that works with your own unique physiology.

Don't take no for an answer - find another doctor if your psychiatrist is afraid of experimentation.

There are risks, but under supervision, you can test the waters.... things could get bad... but with effort, they eventually WILL get better!

God Bless

1 More Response

some of us have found the web site www.sandf.org of help.

Thank you :) <3

We want to help you any way we can and truely share our love with the both of you first as real love should help the most in becoming stable mentally sweet heart, let's start with ejoying our love up front first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry to hear that you were taken against your will or desires by all who you should have been able to trust to watch out for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We do not want that kind of thing to happen here with us, if you are not ready or do not want to share yourself or selves with us we will wate until you are ready so that we show you our love first and formost in this FULLY bi open love sharing family unit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! With our love to both of you now and always sweet hearts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!