I Need To Talk

i was sexually abused when i was around the age of 6/7.. it was my dads relative or something like that that's all i know and i used to call this man my grandad i thought he was so nice to me before he sexually abused me but because i was so young i didnt realise what he was actually trying to do. he used to baby sit me and my 2 older brothers when my mum and dad would go out for a few nights and we would sleep at his. He would always get the matresses down and lay them on the floor and put them all next to eachother, when it was time to go to sleep it would be me on the end with my brothers laying next to me before we went to sleep he went to us do you want me to sleep next to you? none of us answered.. but when we did get to sleep i could her and feel him come lay down next to me this is when it happend he would touch me in my sleep but of course he thought i was still asleep he would also take pictures of whats down below.. this carryed on for a long while until i told my mum because she then realised something was up and because my knickers would go missing from my sleeping bag all the time.. yeah so my mum knew something was up and i told her.. when she told me that i can no longer go there i didnt understand why i was only young i didnt understand fully what he was doing to me. once this man knew that my mum and dad had found out he left a £1,000 cheque at my front door in a envelope i didn't except it of course he tryed to make me not tell the police with money i didnt even put the cheque into my bank i wasnt having it not off him. i havent not yet told the police. its always constantly on my mind.. my school grades have gone down ive been kicked out of one of my schools because of my behaviour i have anger problems. i havent spoke to anyone about this and i think its about time now i need help. ive always refused help for this because i didnt like people seeing me upset when i talk about it im hardly ever upset im a happy person a person who wants to make other people happy and have a laugh all the time because this has happend to me i started weed from the age of 14 that led onto other drugs like speed ectasey and ketermaine im addicted to weed cant come off it. all because i never spoke to anyone about it ive turned into this i hate it i feel like its my fault.
mitchellleah mitchellleah
18-21, F
Jan 16, 2013