When I was 15 I told my mom that her husband had been molesting me for 4 years. She did absolutely nothing. She is even still with him til this day. I am writing this because I just need to get it off my chest and know that someone is listening. I recently brought it up again knowing in my heart that there would be no closure I still sent a lengthy and quite mean text. I told her that I hated her and that she was the reason for all of the hurt and pain that I feel. Of course she did not respond back. I felt the familiar feeling of rejection and not being heard. I haven't heard from her since valentines day when she sent a text that said she loved me. which to me was like a damn slap in the ******* face once again. I never got to tell her that my cousin took my virginity and that I ended up in a string of sexually abusive relationships. How by the age of 9 i was more proficient in sex then most 30 year old's are. How I have nightmares, am afraid of marriage, and having children. I have realized that I fear these things because I don't want them to happen to my child. I am so sad and so afraid of making friends. I ended up doing something sexual with all of them because the last abuser I had used friendship as his way to make me stay. So I don't invite people over or go to anyone's house. I am to terrified to make any real friends. I feel like none of them could ever really understand anyway. I spend most days alone. Even in a room of people at work I am still alone. I don't mingle... at least that way I won't hurt anyone and they can't hurt me. I get sick sometimes for no reason and have anxiety issues. I am extremely paranoid. I think i'm depressed and that I have been for 15 years. I have managed to keep a boyfriend. I figure He must really love me to put up with me. I have been thinking about seeing a shrink just to learn how to deal with the problems I am having so that I don't lose my good guy. I just feel un-loved, un- cared for, dirty, and used by life. I needed to get that off my chest. Thank You for listening.