One time when I was 14 or 15 years old I was watching the movie "Bastard Out of Carolina". And as the movie progressed I started to have these "flash backs" of me being sexually molested. The more I tried to not think about them, the more memories started flooding in. The place was right, the people were right, the time was right but the sexual abuse didnt seem real. I thought I was going crazy, I thought maybe my imagination was getting out of control.
But all the same, the memories would not stop coming. More and more details came through and I didn't trust myself anymore. If this terrible thing really happened to me how did I forget it, why am I only remembering now.
I couldn't tell my family what was going on, I didn't think they would care or even believe me. One day I was with my dad's girlfriend, we were riding in the car and so I just blurted out - "I think I was sexually molested when I was little, before I had to go live with grandma and granddad". Her reply - "I know, your Dad told me about it". She said the details that I had remembered in my flashbacks - it was real. It really did happen and I wasn't loosing my mind.
It was my dad's girlfriend's teenage son. I was 3 or 4 years old at the time.They had moved in with us, and because it was a 2 bedroom me and the teenage son had to share a room. It would happen after I took a bath and I was only wearing a towel, I would have to go into our room to change. I can't remember how long it happened, or if he actually penetrated. All I can remember is him on top of me and me trying to hit him in the face but to no avail.
I had finally told but not in so many words, I asked his mom to let me change in the bathroom thinking if I was already dressed he wouldn't bother me. But she had said no, I got upset, she asked me why, she asked me over and over again and I said nothing. She asked me if her son was doing something to me, I said nothing. She just told me to take my bath and closed the door behind her.
I remember staring at that door knob for what seemed like hours. I was preparing myself for what was inevitable,but at that moment I heard yelling. I opened the door and his mom and my dad had him cornered in the room. He was mom was screaming now and hitting him in the face "how could you do that to her!?!" He said nothing. Then my dad moved her aside and got in his face. He asked him if he thought he was a man now. He said something else I can't remember but I do remember my dad punching him in the chest and him crumpling up on the floor and crying.
But the next part is what still kills me til this day. My dad had came over to me and knelt down and told me with tears in his eyes "He will never hurt you again. If anyone and I mean anyone hurts you You will tell me, do you understand?" I nodded. I can't forget my dad's face - it was like his heart was broken you know? Everyone was hurt and crying and I blamed myself. I even felt sorry for the teenage son. I don't know why I felt sorry for him, I just did.
I don't know if my dad was an alcoholic before that, but I know he was after. And after remembering this, I wondered and still do was it my fault he became an alcoholic, why his own family treated him like a jerk? I still wonder.
SukYoung SukYoung
26-30, F
Aug 31, 2014