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It Was My Own Father

Hello my name is janet and im 17 years old. I have been sexually abused by my own father since i was 4 till the age of 14, 10 years of hell mostly.  Every night when my mom would work night shift he would take advantage of us in any sexuall way you can think off. My mom was the type of person where she didnt like the babysitters because she didnt want anything bad to happen to us, but if she only knew she had the monster in our home.  Oh im sorry i forgot to mention, what i mean about us, im mentioning my older sister crystal too shes 18 now we were both sexually abused by our father. Well my father for others like my neighboors or family he was the best, mostly everybody we knew seen him as the perfect father to us, but they never knew the real person he carried inside.  He would always buy us everything we wanted, he had my mom the best of all cars, it was like a big cover up of his realy identity. Throughout the years as a child i knew something was wrong, I didnt want to be alive anymore, i was thinking negative and the faster way to die, i just thought i didnt have any reason to be here anymore. Every night or day when my mom would bust her *** off to give us what we wanted my father did everything to us a child shouldnt even think about doing. It was horrible he would rape my and my big sister in the restroom, bedroom, living room, even in my moms own bed. It was like a everyday thing i never knew a way to stop it, he was so violent and if anything would get him mad it was like the end of the world for him he was a beast a very mad beast. I remember him beating up on my mom and never letting her do anything. Not even go to the store to buy us food he had to be there, we were like slaves in our own house. Nobody tought me and sister from right to wrong and my father would always tell us if we would say anything he would kill my mother and my little sister she was carrying inside her stomach (my mom was 6 months pregnant at the time, i was 9 yrs old), So we never told the truth so nothing could happen to my mom or my baby sister. As we started growing up i asked my father at the age of 11 asked him why would he rape us i thought a fahter is suppose to love there kids. What he responded was shocking he said " ALL THE DADS DO IT TO THERE KIDS, ITS A WAY TO SHOW THAT THEY LOVE THEM, IM DOING NOTHING WRONG, AND IF U LIE CALLING IT RAPE YOUR GOING TO HELL".. shocking right........ I hated my father actually i never wanted to be around him of course, i remember being at the family dinner table and i couldnt eat, i felt disgusted cuz my mom was still having sexual intercourse with my dad (of course there married), and i would stop and stare at her eyes and wish i can tell her "your over here still having sex with my dad and he rapes us"........ but i never had the guts to do it..June 9,200 my mom had my baby sister.. She was premature wight 2pds 13 onces... When my mom got released from the hospital my dad would stare at my baby sisters eyes as if he was already planning on when she would be his next victim, but me and my sister wasnt going to let that happen, every single night me and my sister would switch days on staying up ALL NIGHT taking care of her, for like 5 years of my baby sisters life we never slept, we protected her and me and my big sister carried a knife under the blanket in case of he got in i was going to risk it and chop his penus off, just ot protect my baby sister, i didnt wanted her to go throught what i had already suffered she was just a baby, so me and my big sister did everything with her, showered her, potty trained her, not one moment not even one was my fahter with my baby sister by themself NOT ONE... More years were passing by and as i became a teenager i started realizing what my dad was doing to us was called sexual abuse, and i was going through the worst of all. I had enough of my dad and at the age of 12 i did what i child was never suppose to do, i got on drugs BAD and tried to kill myself in any chance i could do. But for some reason i never died.... At the age of 13 my dad would take us to a catholic church near my area in dallas.. He was the worst there.. let me tell you how bad my dad didnt have no respect not  even in the house of god.. My father would be in the band where they play the music inside the church.. One of the singers was having an affair with my dad.. We would attend the night ceremonys and after the ceremony was over my dad would lock me and my big sister in the car with the child lock so we wouldnt be able to get out, and he did his thang with the women outside in the back of the church... Me and my big sister SUFFOCATED inside the vehicle, he didnt care, me and my big sister could of died inside the car it was sooo hot in there and this happened more than one time.. i rememeber everything as like if it barely happene yesterday...  2 more years pasted by i was probaly 15 at the time my father got cought cheating with some other women and my mom kicked him out the house FOR GOOD, it felt like if i was touched my an angel he was gone it was what i always wanted for him to get out of my life, well thats what i thought but it wasnt like that, when my mom kicked him out the house my mom couldnt afford all the bills, they didnt pay her much at her job, so my father made a deal with her, the deal was if he would come adn pick us up on the weekends he would give my mom 200 a week. i didnt want to and my sister didnt either, but we saw my mom suffer working her *** of at the job and coming home skinnier and skinnier everyday, her high blood pressure was getting worse and worse, i didnt want to loose my mom, she the only person me and my sister have left, and lus my baby sister would just be bragging all day "where my daddy wheres my daddy" my little sister up to this day that she 9 yrs old dont know why his not in our life. Well so me and my sister decided to just let my dad pick us up so my mom could get well, It was the hardest decision we had to make in our lifes, we cryed our eyes off when we would receive the call of him and he would say were on our way. But we did it for my mom, my mom ws practically dying, i love my mom and we did it for her..... When he would pick us he was staying in some apartments near our home with a friend.. We would just be there in the living room and he would be in the room asleep, yea it was wierd, he didnt really talked to us, it was better for us, but my father was our biggest fear...  6 months latter in summer 2006 we spoke the truth, well my big sister did, and my mom went crazy she didnt know what to do, so she reported it, and my fahter ran to mexico like a scary guy..... But when he ran to mexico he left with the same women he had a afair with at the church, the women had 2 girl twins of her own and took them with her, not knowing she was running away with a child abuser.. So every night i prayed to god to not let anything happen to the little girls, to protect them and look out for them, and luckily at the end they were safe... In 2007-08 i think my dad came back inside united states and was found, he got trasported to california for court, And if your thinking why he got transported to california and we could of just had the court here in my area in texas.. well when my mom reported the case we got signed up for phsycologist and stuff like that.. Well they had put me in a room with the black window where you cant see whose on the other side and with a tape recorder next to me i had to SAY THE WHOLE TRUTH.. oh my god it was so HARD AND EMBERASSING.. i had to speak in DETAIL about the time he would punch me in my face and and pull my pants off and rape me oh and how he would shuv his penus in my mouth when i was just a baby myself.. it was the worst moments ever.. But it was the best if i wanted him to pay for all the suffer he made us go through.... but see i told the phsycologist a lie..................... she had asked me at what age my father stopped the abuse well if u remember at the begginig of my story i said til at the age of 14 i just told the phsycologist the stopped at the age of 9.......  its a secret i carry up to today as your reading my story... Well my father been in jail ever since and we have to go back to california on june8,2009 for a trail by jury because he keeps denying that he raped us... Well thats all i can share with you.. and for others that have been abused as well as me.. your not alone, i thought i was alone too.. theres people out there that been throught waht you been through, i understand your pain because i carry the same fire in my heart.. i never shared my story because i didnt think anybody was going to believe me.. This kills me everyday that i live.. I hate my dad so much, i just whish i could of had that one dad all my friends have.. im so ashamed of what my own father did to me... Thanks for having time to read my story.. god bless

janetchavez janetchavez 16-17, F 22 Responses Apr 20, 2009

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This was a very darlin' story. May you live in God's hands and perish your life forever.

Umm, don't you mean cherish not perish?

It bring me close to tears when i read the part you and your sister try to protect your little sister.

I was the oldest of my family and my dad started sexual abusing me at the age of 4-13 till the day he commited sucide. I tried telling my mom but she wouldnt believe me at the time so i use to run away hide in the sheds in the post office with just a night gown on in the middle of winter with no shoes i was about 7 hoping at that time to just die.Im a surviour as i tried many times to commit sucide . And i use to be ashamed of what happened to me but i talk about it openly, God Bless you on your new journey'.

omg ,our stories are so much alike ,i dont talk to either of my so called parents and they cannot see my kids .God Bless You

You are so brave for taking care of your little sister like that! :)

i hope u life will be very good now with happyne and joy ^_^

and we ar all here for you u ar not alone u hav lots of friends ^_^

I hope that you are living your life well now that he is not around to do those things to you. I'm glad that he was caught, and I hope that you and your sister have the strength to not let it haunt you. Thank you for sharing your story of the sick, twisted world we live in.

I hope he paid for what he did!!!! Hes a monster!!!!!

Im so sorry you went through this... AND ITS REALLY SWEET TO SEE THAT YOU GIRLS WERE PROTECTING YOUR BABY SISTER AT ANY COST! i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

Im so sorry you went through this... AND ITS REALLY SWEET TO SEE THAT YOU GIRLS WERE PROTECTING YOUR BABY SISTER AT ANY COST! i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

gurl im sorry for wat happen. i never went tru the same thing bout i know how it feels to be hopeless . well if u ever wanna talk my myspace and facebook is veronica_aidamil14@yahoo.com and my yahoo is veronica_aidamil@yahoo.com. im here for u

I hope your baby sister sees all that you've done for her.

hey darling i jus want to say that you are very brave for going on as long as you did and that takes some very big ball. i really hope that you can get some help with your situation and if you are still in the presence of this guy that you get some help. if you ever need any help i know some really good people who can help you ladies and i want you to know that im here if you ever need me for anything without blame or judgment. stay safe and healthy and happy, know that someone in the world cares for you even if they are far away!!!! :)

Hi there i know excactly where you are coming from my grandfather raped and abused 15 members of my family i however was not but i am also effected mentally because of it

I remember through the trial he said the exact thing that he was not doing anything wrong that he was showing them LOVE the true words of a ********* all that being said he only served 7 months............... complete joke .

I am a child and domestic abuse survivor, as well as a mother of a sexually abused child. I am writing a book about ALL types of abuse to others know they are not alone in their struggle. My intention is to inform others where there is prevention, education, and support.



Education + Awareness = Prevention. I am inviting you to use my book as a platform share your testimony that will your contribution to spreading awareness. For your help I am giving a book; providing you pay the delivery. Authors may use their real name or be anonymous. I prefer 1200 words but will allow up to 1500.



I hope you will join me and the many other men, women, and organizations who are assisting me in my quest.



If you go http://sherry123456789.xanga.com/ I have extensive information, which includes letters of support from other professionals and samples of my writing. Or you may email: burt222@hotmail.com



I look forward to your reply.



Respectfully

Sherry Clyburn

You and your sister are true heroines!

You protected everyone and you survived!

I am feeling incredibly proud that there are indeed such brave and noble human beings like you both. (:



P.S.

Give me the details of your father and I will make him go to hell if I ever get the opportunity.

i too hope you find peace are blessed for being so brave as to protect your baby sister and to go thru with reporting it all i know its a hideous experience but the right thing to do.

It is a SICK world we all share. Your father has to be the dumbest person and evilist person on this earth. He deserves the death penalty. In the Phillipines, you rape-you die. There is no second chance. I wonder how he would feel if someone twice the size as himself Raped him everynight? what a pig and disgrace to humanity.

THATS A REALLY SAD STORY AND THE SADEST PART IS THAT ALL IS TRUE IM SO SORRY U WENT TRU SLL THIZ I STAY IN DALLAS 2 I HOPE U GET ALL THE HELP U NEED... GOD BLEE U AND UR SISTER

Good Luck, He should ROTT In Hell !

Hope life has many pleasant surprises for you...you have suffered enough.

You story bought tears to my eyes as I read it.



You are in my thoughts and prayers hun and I trully hope 1 day you will find some peace.

Unfortunatly jail time isn't enough for what he did to you and your sister all those years.



I just hope you find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone and once you hit rock bottom the only way is up.