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A Mild Case, But...

Having read a few of the stories already here, I feel like my story's not going to be nearly as much.  My sympathy goes out to anyone who had to deal with this, because no one should have to put up with this.  Ever.

So here's the deal.  In fall of 2009, I went to a rennaisance faire.  I was with my at-the-time girlfriend Lisa (I'll be making up names here) and a gay couple, Evan and Luke.  Seeing as we were traveling a few states away for this (it was around where Evan went to college), we were staying over at his friend Gill's house.  Note that Gill is also gay, and looked at least 20 years older than me, I never did ask or find out his age.  Now, I had gone with Evan (minus the significant others) to this same faire the year before and things went by pretty well -- I mean, it obviously left enough of a good impression that I wanted to do it again -- so I wasn't expecting anything bad to happen.

We arrived on Friday night, and decided to grab food at a local diner.  Throughout the whole time, we were making jokes, mostly trying to heckle each other.  Nothing all that unusual from these guys.  Then things got out of hand when one of the guys there, I don't remember which one, made a joke about me wanting to go down on someone right at the table.  From there, things got worse when they decided nearly every joke they were going to make was going to be around me being a supposed closet homosexual, and that I was lusting after Gill, and so on.  I can see one or two jokes in the right context being funny, but it seemed like it was coming at me with such frequency it was started coming off as a legitimate offer.  I was trying to be vocal about not liking the way I was being treated, but that just turned into another joke turned against me.

The faire itself went pretty well, we had mostly split up from each other to check on shows and events that interested us individually and meeting up occasionally.  After that, there was a video game marathon/party thing some of my online friends were doing that was conveniently in the area, and everyone drove over there.  Evan wanted to leave for dinner, but having felt like I didn't get enough time to really meet everyone there I asked if I could stay behind here.  They were okay with that, and I rejoined everyone about an hour and a half later.  Once I did...I don't remember much of what was said on the car ride there, but distinctly remember thinking I was fully prepared to, if the same jokes started continuing, get out the car and walk back to the game party...and probably would have if it weren't for the fact that I got stuck with a middle seat in the car.

We went home the next day, and once I felt back in my element I jumped online to talk with people.  Lisa was trying to figure out why I seemed like I was in such a funk, but couldn't quite answer her questions.  I didn't have a way to contact Gill directly, so I asked Evan to pass along that while I didn't think he meant any harm, he came off as bullying and not to do it again.  Sure enough, the message got passed along, but he took it as an insult, and somehow I got labeled as the bad guy here and pretty much got asked to apologize to everyone for what I did.  Really, guys?  Really?  I get made fun of, my sexuality's questioned, I'm pretty much hit on by a guy that looks old enough to be my dad, and suddenly I'm the bad guy for saying "No I'm not okay with this"?  I should've known better.

Evan and I argued about this and some other things that came out of an attempt to explain how I felt (probably half of which got misconstrued right off the bat) for about two weeks before finally evening things out, but we don't talk anymore after another blowup I'm not afraid to admit was over some petty stuff.  Lisa wanted to take some time away from me, but that only made her feel more depressed, and only realized how bothered I was by things some 6 months later.  I always felt Luke was more of a friend-of-a-friend, and while I see him less frequently now he still is.  I haven't talked to Gill since this, don't plan to, and if somehow I have find a chance encounter with him I'm fully prepared to yell my case, Erin Brokovich-style, straight to his face.
Arpijy Arpijy 26-30, M 3 Responses Jan 23, 2012

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Maybe I'm the only reader that can see a double standard here. What if you were a girl putting up with this treatment from men? You would have had comment after comment about staying strong and seeking help and telling you to stand proud etc. No, you get a comment questioning your sexuality yet again. While your story is unusual, it is no less serious. This had a major impact on your relationships and affected your attitude towards something that you enjoyed doing. That is serious enough in my book.

ok to me that makes sense but instead of getting someone to relay the message why didn't you just ask for his contact information. He may have faired a straight talk then hearing from someone else. They could have said it all kind of ways that would seem out of place and wouldn't you be mad if it was reversed, not coming from the person that needed to say it.

In retrospect, yes, I should have talked to Gill directly. The fact that I went through Evan did give me a chance to clear up a few misunderstandings he had about this too (even if it did take longer than it should have), but yeah, that would've made the whole thing simpler.

So you r gay

No, but the friends I was with were.