I have been single for so long, alone with minimal friends and social setting since early childhood, that when I do attempt, or am in, a

relationship (of most sorts) I become very uncomfortable much of the time and it becomes weird or extremely unhealthy. When a

type of relationship Is going well, I become extremely self aware and feel kind of awkward about the good vibes and communication.

I have also been single parenting for so long that when I am in an intimate relationship it becomes

awkward as I tend to not set clear boundaries and stick to them. I can be a real pushover at times. Then I rush things.. Reeeally rush

things... but that's for another story... and another..

I like a challenge.. So perhaps I am not being challenged enough in other aspects of life. how am I supposed to nurture situations,

while feeling safe, to become challenging (in a healthy way)? that's a good question...

I am just tired of it... I become very upset when these slight (unhealthy, annoying or mean) mannerisms come about, including myself,

and the communication isn't clear. the misunderstandings and *sigh... all of that seems to pile on top until it's this big deal, like

ginormous, when in fact, in reality, it really isn't that confusing or bad when I think about it. Or when the other person thinks about it...

The problem is... Thinking about it reasonably at the Same time and having mature and realistic discussions that Do make a difference

and understanding that nothing changes over night and That is o.k.

i'm just tired of it all. what the hell.

aaabsolutely aaabsolutely
26-30, F
2 Responses May 25, 2012

but as far as dysfunction.. i am terribly stubborn and can be mean.

i have social anxiety sometimes when there are many new people. but i enjoy being intimate, like one on one conversations when there's a connection and also sexual intimacy.<br />
<br />
i guess when there is distance, in varying aspects, it is awkward. suppose feeling a connection makes me feel alive and the world lights up.