What I Have Learned From A Women Who Was Stalked

I have had the pleasure of meeting and falling in love with a women who had been stalked three times. Unfortunately, the relationship ended when she felt like I was stalking her!!!! A little about me, then you be the judge of whether or not I stalked her. I am a native Texas living in Ohio. I am a gentleman, and have always taken pride in that fact. I treat people with respect at all times, especially women. I was raised in a household with a controlling father. He was abusive to my mother and me and my brother....until I was old enough and big enough to stop his bullying in our home. When he died, I did not cry at his funeral, and ceratinly he and I were never close. He and his behavior, was the ground owrk for ensuring I never disrespected a women or a child. I despise men who bully, control, and otherwise abuse women and children physically and mentally.
Now to the story at hand. I met a person on EP. We began by chatting and messaging here....she was in a sexless marriage, and I had been in a sexless marriage for too many years, until nearly 11 years ago. The lady I met on here was the most kindest, wonderful and beautiful lady I had ever come to know. She was unhappy, as was I. I had been in a serious relationship for 3 years (it ended 7 years ago), I begin to not trust women, and said I would never put myself in a position to be hurt again.....then came my lady from EP!!!! We talked on the phone for literally hours, many times all night, before we ever agreed to meet. She had told me she would be leaving her husband, and I was ok with what I was doing and her situation. We met for the first time in March of this year, and began a relationship that was unbelievable in every aspect. We had chemistry from our first moments on the phone, then we met and it was like a dream come true. I thought I had truly found the woman, that I had given up looking for....she was perfect for me in every way....and she led me to believe I was perfect for her. The meetings we would have were fantastic in every way imaginable....then we both said the magic words....we were in love!
We both agreed that the key to our being successful, was the ability we had to communicate with each other, about everything. I am, by nature a private person.....but not with her. She was not private with me either. We shared everything about each other. Our past relationships, our family, our careers, our finances....etc, you name it, we discussed it. Our love life was phenomenal....we were both very passionate, pleasing and giving to each other. We communicated daily, when we weren't together. It was sometimes difficult for her to communicate, being she was married, but she always found a way. We talked about us and a future together. One time, she told me, "I was her love and her future, as well as her best friend...she was mind as well.
The communication became a little more difficult as time went on in the summer....because fo family  and visits she made with family....then suddenly on a trip to her home town... communication was zero! I couldn't understand how she couldn't pick up the phone and go to the bathroom to text me or call.....it just didn't make sense to me! I began to question if she was still in love with me or what! Apparently, now I was getting pushy....she started her retreat....slowly at first....I sure didn't want to let her go or lose her....but in the end I did lose her!
Because I tried tried to talk to her and communicate with her.....she became, according to her....AFRAID of me! Wow, what a change....now she was thinking of me as one of her stalkers in the past! How could this be.....I was the most loving, caring person she had ever been with...according to her! I once offered to give her a large amount of money, so she could leave her husband and start over for her son (thankfully she didn't take my offer).
She will agree, that when we were together....it was a wonderful moment for us both....so, how could our lack of communication have happened like this! I still don't understand what went wrong....it was devastating to me personally, and still is! But a stalker I am not. Sure I could have destoyed her marriage, created havoc in her life....and she thought I would.
Interestingly, the day she finally said enough...that day she was back on EP (we both had taken a vacation from EP, for the months we were together....seeing her back hurt me to know end.....but, as she would say..."It is what it is"!
It has been over three months since we have seen each other (July 8) actaully. I knew it would take a long time to get over her....and it is still!
I have tried to move on...with my life, and even entered into brief relationships....but find I am back to my old ways......when things get too close....I run away....I don't want to be hurt again!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, I guess she is the victim.....hmmmmmm.....why do I feel like I am the victim?????????? Oh well......IT IS WHAT IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But a stalker or anyone to be afraid of....I am not! Funny she and I spoke on the phone almost a month ago....and we both said we loved each other.......Really Sad....all the way around! I do wish her well! WELL, I want all of you to know that she was not at fault in the breakup....I have to take full responsibility for it........my whole point here is to make sure I was not a stalker to her. I don't think I was....I did plenty of things I have to live with and will regret the rest of my life....namely, I drove her, My Love of My Life and My Best Friend...Away!
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3 Responses Oct 27, 2011

This is not stalking. What does she expect you to do after having a relationship so close. Of course, you want to see her, talk to her, text here. And especially when she stopped communication with you just like that. Do you just say, "oh okay," and forget about her. It's obvious she has her own issues. <br />
This is an extremely painful experience for you. Time, distance, stay busy, that's all there is to help with the healing. I am so sorry this happened to you. I know how painful this is.

Ok, I read the story. Here is my take on things:<br />
ba<x>sed on what you said in the story, I do not think you were being a stalker. You and she had looked forward to moving onto a relationship together, had met in person, and had sexual relations with each other. That sounds pretty serious to me.<br />
My concern is this was all while she was married, and she claimed to be in a sexless marriage. Perhaps she was only interested in the sexual part? I dont know.<br />
If this woman claims to have been "stalked" before, it means one thing - she has played this game before, led guys on, slept with them, said she wanted a future with them then cut them off. Like you, they were probably concerned as well.<br />
My suggestion would be to put this gal out of your head once and for all. She is a pla<x>yer and enjoys the "poor me" aspect then reels someone in.<br />
It appears she has made the decision to stay with her husband, and good luck to her.. consider that a blessing for you, my friend.<br />
As far as you know, she could be (and probably is) playing the game with someone else on here.<br />
Max, there are many people on here who toss the word "love" around like it is nothing. This woman sounds like one of them.<br />
She accused you of being a stalker, stopped communicating with you, yet now wants to resume it on EP? Something smells stinky here.<br />
My advice is for you to wish her well and move on. <br />
Good luck!!

Hi Max<br />
My heart goes out to you. A very difficuly situation and one where you really have put yourself out on an emotional limb. I would say move on and try again, difficult as that may be. It is similar to my own situation currently were the person I met is not the person I married.....not even close! We never really get to know someone and sometimes it is better to thank our lucky stars we got away before it was too late. I need to make a decision soon myself and it will be difficult as i have an 8 year old son. But life is passing me by and i cannot tolerate being treated like crap and walked all over any more. <br />
Sorry if I am taking up your space with my rant.<br />