A Little Bit Of Unwanted Attention

I was 13 yrs old, and me and my mum had gone to stay at an uncles place far from home, i had met this uncle many times before and he seemed an ok guy.  And as a kid i used to like to get naked when i could and i felt great about being naked and free of clothes, And we had been told the old thing ,don`t let anyone touch you down there, But not why and were not told about sexual things at all, to me a penis was to go to toilet with only

Well the first night we were there i was sleeping in a room and there was a single and a double bed in it, my mum was sleeping in another room. around 10-11 my uncle came into the room and walked to the double bed , he had on a towel, and told me he was sleeping in this same room as my mum had his room, He dropped the towel and he was naked  and hopped into the double bed, Later that night he *********** me and felt all over my body, He did not do any penatration just touching, he forced my hand on to him and told me to play with him, i was scared so did as asked, after a time i stopped as i was worried i was doing something wrong, So he did himself, and then spooned against me and i dozed off, as it seemed strange what had happened . And all i could remember was the feel of his body hair against me and some shame at what had happened

The next day  i was at his home, mum was out shopping etc, and he came over and asked if i had liked last night, I lied and said it was ok, and he warned me not to tell anyone, then went for a shower, he walked out naked and sat on the couch, and told me to remove my clothes as i could be naked any time i wanted, I was scared but said no, he told me to come to him, and i went over , and he removed my shorts ,the only thing i was wearing. He did not touch me but asked me to go and put the kettle on, which i did, and he explained it was ok to live nude and not to worry being naked with him around. So i made a coffee for him and me, i took his to him and i sat at the table, I admit i felt great as here i was told i could be naked and it was ok, by an adult . and so we were naked for a long time and nothing happened , and he dressed and went out, so i stayed nude until i heard mum coming home as she would have gone mad at me. And so i was comfortable being naked when alone and with uncle as he had not done any thing to me while i was naked with him. and so slept nude and got up and did not care that he could see me nude

Now the next day after this i woke up and no one home so i stayed nude and made breakfast etc, and enjoyed being allowed to run around naked, well that after noon my uncle arrived home, and i did not hear him coming and he walked in and said hi uncaring that i was naked , asked me to make him a coffee and he went to shower, and again came out nude and sat on couch, I took his coffee over , but this time he held my hand and started to feel me again, and talked about ************, and oral sex as he did, he played with me for a while, then told me to touch his penis, i didn`t want to so he took my hand and placed it on him, and told me to stroke him , i was scared and he got angry, and told me to forget it, and he then *********** me and felt about as he did, every where, No attempt to do any penatration etc, Then when he had finished with me he did himself and told me to watch to learn, He finished and went out again , i showered and felt shame at what had happened, and again wondered why he would do this

Then a couple of days later  we were home just him and me,. and  told me to pull my pants down, I said no and he got very angry, walked over and pulled them off, and then his own, and told me to ********** him, i was upset and refused, and so he fondled me for a while and i managed to get away and go to my room, later he came in and said sorry , and that he had not mean`t to scare me and, said he had just got angry and was sorry for trying to force me to do things

and then the final time was one night i woke up and he was in bed with me ************ me, and talked about things we could do together, then felt me all over for some time, before he went to his bed and slept.

Now i told no one as i didn`t think i would be believed as everyone got on well with him, and i felt guilty about being naked and blamed myself for it happening, because i had been naked and did not cover myself , So we returned to our home , i seen my uncle when he visited , but i did not stay around him at all at times when he was there. I thought about what had happened and felt guilt and still blamed my self, for a long time. and as i got older i started to gain sexual knowledge and had a better understanding of what i had experianced, but did not class it as abuse as sexual abuse was something unheard of back then , it happened but hardly mentioned. I was not so effected that i hated myself etc or worried a lot about what had happened, and finally put it down to a sexual experiance that had happened, even thou he had touched me, and strangely i even started to look at positive things that had come out of it, and worked out things for my self, and worked out why he had been nice and how he had told me naked was ok and things he did was normal, just to have a chance at touching me when he wanted,  this helped me cope with it and after a time i forgot about what had happened, I found out 5 yrs later that what had happened was sexual abuse, but because i thought i had allowed it to happen that it was not abuse, and even still had trouble even saying it was abuse, and i still enjoyed being a nudist and had no problem with being around other men, and told myself it was just one of those things that happened.

well i grew up and yes sometimes it would come back to me, but i would not let it get me down, it was hard to explain why, i grew up mature , responsable, and married and put this event behind me. and moved on i still blamed myself for part of it, and have told no one until now

Now i know this is not as serious as some sexual abuse cases, and i have known others that went through a lot more , like rapes and forced penatrations etc, But upon reading things now i discovered that how i acted was usual during a situation like this, and that i had been like some others , feeling guilt, shame and blamed myself for part of it happening, and trivialised it

But i feel it is time to explain what happened  to me so others don`t get caught out, and i feel by writting this it will put it to rest in my mind , a sort of get it off your chest  thing, and that when bad things happen you can come out of them in good order and life can go on, But i do feel sorry for those that have a lot more problems and issues over their experiances, and wish they too could forget things as quick as i did, but i know it is not possible for everyone

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Feb 8, 2010