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My Story..being The Wife Of A Crack Addict

Where do I start?? This is my second marriage, my first was to an addict and i left when it became abusive (13 yrs married) and whe n I met my current husband i thought he understood the importance of being "clean". I know he had past addicitons but was assured they were done.He went through a cocaine addcition and i stood by him and supported himWe have a little boy together that has down syndrome. About 4 years ago I found out he was using crack. I stood by him through foreclosure, job losses and family banishment. We moved to florida hoping that would help but it got worse. Apperantly the quality of the drugs there are much higher and it led to daily use. He would take the car after he dropped me off at work, and then he would never pick me up. Why did I stay through all this?? Am I an abuse magnet?? He has lied to me, stolen all my jewelry and pawned it and even been arrested,. Finally he gave it up , well for awhile. I was so happy and I felt all my prayers have been answered. Finally the family I wanted. We moved bavk home when the economy dropped and he lost his job. Well bad move cuz it started all over again. ot to the same degree but still. I've tried everything like handling all the money but he finds a way to get it. I had a low self esteem to begin with and now I feel even worse than I did before. He "used" again  last night, valentines day of all days. He lies and tells me he has to go get me a gift and then he stops answering his cell. He says he feel ashamed and thats why . He also stays away from the house cuz he again feels ashamed. How can I ever trust himagain?? How am I going to support my son alone? Is there a man out there that will love me and take care of me the way I deserve I am confused. Do I stay. leave??
JoshsMom63 JoshsMom63 46-50 3 Responses Feb 15, 2011

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I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. He was always an alcoholic, but not in the everyday sense. He was a binger. He's had a troubled history and I suspect mental issues. He leaves for hours at a time, sometimes days. He ignores my texts, calls, etc. then he gets angry at me for being "nagging" and "controlling". He's been using crack for the last 2 mos, but not for the first time. He's angry, distant, verbally abusive and blames all of our problems on me. He signed up with a rehab facility but halfway commits and they are about to kick him out. I'm lost, I love him but he's draining me financially and emotionally. I have looked at an apt, but we currently owe our landlady 7 mos of rent. I doubt I'd get a good reference when they call her. What to do??

I am not married....yet. I am in love with my fiance who uses crack. I "laughed" when you mentioned the gift thing because I hear that one all of the time. If I call his phone constantly until he picks up and question him I get the whole he had a surprise for me line and now I ruined it. I love him very much but the whole thing sucks. He has trigeminal neuralgia and I do believe that his pain is real and that the drug really does help him but it doesn't make the situation any better. I have gone through the whole thing jewelry missing, traffic tickets which if he doesn't pay he will end up in jail but yet the drugs are more important than that. I told him if he ends up in jail because of this I won't stay around. I will need everyone's support to make sure I stick to that promise. Like I said no matter how you look at it the whole thing sucks!

I am also married to a crack addict. Your situation sounds like I am writing it. I have been with my husband since he was 17 years old. He is now 43. We broke up for a few years because I could not handle him getting high, stealing, going to jail and the feeling of being lonely all the time. He would lie to me. Take off for days and go on a crack mission. Than come back and tell me how bad he felt and how sorry he was and to just give him a chance he would stop. As crazy as it sounds I love him til death and always stood by him threw everything. As I said we broke up for a few years and I moved from our home state to Florida. We have now been back together 2 years. I thought a new state he does not know anyone. We will do great this time. In the begining all was perfect. But the last 6 months he has been getting high again. It is getting so bad now. I just do not know what to do. He goes days not sleeping not eating and just getting high. I love him so much and want to stand by him and help him get help. He tells me he will go to NA meetings and never goes. So tonight I decided I would go to a NA meeting myself. Maybe it will help me??? I just feel so helpless. I am lonely have no one to talk to because my familiy would not understand they will just say leave him. Easier said than done. I love him. But very confussed. Stand by him and hope he gets help and stop using or just leave again knowing that I love him. He does not realize what his addiction is doing to me. He feels he is only harming and hurting himself.