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My Story..being The Wife Of A Crack Addict

Where do I start?? This is my second marriage, my first was to an addict and i left when it became abusive (13 yrs married) and whe n I met my current husband i thought he understood the importance of being "clean". I know he had past addicitons but was assured they were done.He went through a cocaine addcition and i stood by him and supported himWe have a little boy together that has down syndrome. About 4 years ago I found out he was using crack. I stood by him through foreclosure, job losses and family banishment. We moved to florida hoping that would help but it got worse. Apperantly the quality of the drugs there are much higher and it led to daily use. He would take the car after he dropped me off at work, and then he would never pick me up. Why did I stay through all this?? Am I an abuse magnet?? He has lied to me, stolen all my jewelry and pawned it and even been arrested,. Finally he gave it up , well for awhile. I was so happy and I felt all my prayers have been answered. Finally the family I wanted. We moved bavk home when the economy dropped and he lost his job. Well bad move cuz it started all over again. ot to the same degree but still. I've tried everything like handling all the money but he finds a way to get it. I had a low self esteem to begin with and now I feel even worse than I did before. He "used" againĀ  last night, valentines day of all days. He lies and tells me he has to go get me a gift and then he stops answering his cell. He says he feel ashamed and thats why . He also stays away from the house cuz he again feels ashamed. How can I ever trust himagain?? How am I going to support my son alone? Is there a man out there that will love me and take care of me the way I deserve I am confused. Do I stay. leave??
JoshsMom63 JoshsMom63 46-50 4 Responses Feb 15, 2011

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sir...I have a friend I have known for 20 yrs who I think might have been use-in crack...first off let me start at the first time I thought this...now I was living with this person for many yrs...we smoked pot together but only 7 to 8 mths out of the year...then would lay off for 8 mths at a time...I never seen any weight loss or gain when we were doing this at all....or where I should worry...then we went through some really hard times...this person lost contact with their family for good reasons..not bad...and had a child..and went through hard times with money..then her dad died...and then her grandma and aunt died..with in 4 yrs...she became really well how can I say this ..very very sad..like nothing would make her happy....I understood..and was there for her but also telling her self pitty is bad and u MUST FEEL...for if u don't that can really hurt u in the end and take u down a bad road to numb ur feelings..she would not get it...then about 2 and a half yrs later after all of this happen ...I started to notice things...the first thing I notice was a loss of weight..and the bones around her neck were very like pop-in out...then not to be sick or any thing ..when we made love I noticed that her body mass was not healthy..i could feel loss of muscle on her body..she seemed happy at the time and had burst of energy..then she would say I could sleep for days...and always said she felt like she was getting a cold or flu..alot...her face got really slender...her voice got horse...and she started locking the bathroom doors...and was very sexual...like overly...I mean stress can do many things..and a broken heart well that's hard to fix...but she always went to work...and seemed like no matter what that was so important...now a hand full of her co workers did crack...she would always come home and tell me stories..her manager got busted yrs later for selling it...but my mind did not think anything of crack..for I never ever did that with her...so well I never guess about it...then she started hanging with a girl who does crack...and she was about 140 pnds...then quickly droped 20 to 30 pnds...I started seeing a brown substance on my walls in the bedroom...then one day her friend came over chat-in..she left and I sat on the couch...the back opened up and I found a pipe...I said whats this ..she said her friend probl-ee dropped it ..I said wait this a glass pipe..this is a crack pipe..she said frantic-lee..WELL IT IS NOT MINE...I said u tell me now if ur on this crap..cuz these are demons we need to get out of u....she blamed it on anyone and every one...then crazy things started going on...I started wake-in up with cuts on my legs..and burns around my ankles...I thought something was wrong with me....but I kept thinking why would these cuts start from the inside of my body...then she blew up in weight to almost 155 pnds from 110...in like 2 mths...she would always say she had cravings...but then she lost weight again..this time she became angry very angry..crazy mood swings...she beat me....I was like what is going on..but still made her job a priority..we moved and things got better she was reading the bible more weight came back...things were normal...then like a yr later bam....skinny again...paste-ee skin color...and crazy behavior...emotions all out of wack..but everytime she came home from work..happy..till I question her...then up tone in voice and all hell broke loose...then one day she came to me and said...hey do u smell this ..I said what..she said there is a chemical smell coming from the laundry room...I knew it was crack..again she blames it on whoever she can..then all the signs were back....then her manager got busted ...for coke..and she shortly came home and said we gotta go..i feel like someones gonna get busted...I said what why do u have this feeling..what did u do...she said I just have a gut feeling..i said why do we have to go...she acted crazy....I said never mind we did nothing...but she was nervous...so we moved again...this time I really was thing she was doing crack...for when we moved...these signs showed...no more not have-in to be not hungry...no more weight loss quickly with out working out...spotting with out periods..no anger...moods level...but fast weight gain...she looked healthy...then in about a yr and a half....bam...all signs..weight loss mood swings ..beat me more than ever...closed fist....very sexual...yelling easy for no reason..even if u were calm...but always happy come-in home from work...hung out with people from her work and no one else...bones showing...paste-ee skin had to tan had too..a must...locked doors..very long baths like 2hrs...chemical smell more then ever but only in certain rooms...burns on lips...slim face..teeth bleeding....all the time.. gum loss...burst of energy..then major crashes..slept till noon or one everyday..stay up till 5 am and had to work the next day at 11 am...but the kicker doc..is that the money was always there...that's what I could not figure out...so the only other choice was have-in sex for crack....now doc when I confronted her...she beat me so bad doc..closed fist...hit me in the head like 78 times...kept saying she was gonna kill herself...had chest pains....but kept sayin she was gonna commit me cuz I was crazy....I was scared for there were black men following me...but she was not scared...i had no idea why...no one would talk to me that talked to her..and the cuts and burns started again....well I never let it go...and got her out that city...a yr later..she is sooooooooooooooooooooo different.....her weight is about 145...the whole yr....I make her take drug test she is clean....not soooo angry..not even close to how sexual she was....not even close....no more sinus problems...never says she is coming down with the flu...eats more then ever....BUT ONE THING IS DOC...SHE CANT LOOK ME IN THE EYES...AND IS VERY ASHAMED....but I have been trying to get her to tell truth..for it is a must....to recover...and she has these fits and says I just wanna die my life is over...anytime I ask her if she did..or if she cheated on me for crack....crazy swings..i know she did..but how do I let go..and help her..for I know once u try crack...u gonna go back to it for u want to be happy....help me doc I do so love her...and I feel like I did something to make her run to that stuff....help ..thank u..ps sorry if I spelled words worng I was going fast/////

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. He was always an alcoholic, but not in the everyday sense. He was a binger. He's had a troubled history and I suspect mental issues. He leaves for hours at a time, sometimes days. He ignores my texts, calls, etc. then he gets angry at me for being "nagging" and "controlling". He's been using crack for the last 2 mos, but not for the first time. He's angry, distant, verbally abusive and blames all of our problems on me. He signed up with a rehab facility but halfway commits and they are about to kick him out. I'm lost, I love him but he's draining me financially and emotionally. I have looked at an apt, but we currently owe our landlady 7 mos of rent. I doubt I'd get a good reference when they call her. What to do??

I am not married....yet. I am in love with my fiance who uses crack. I "laughed" when you mentioned the gift thing because I hear that one all of the time. If I call his phone constantly until he picks up and question him I get the whole he had a surprise for me line and now I ruined it. I love him very much but the whole thing sucks. He has trigeminal neuralgia and I do believe that his pain is real and that the drug really does help him but it doesn't make the situation any better. I have gone through the whole thing jewelry missing, traffic tickets which if he doesn't pay he will end up in jail but yet the drugs are more important than that. I told him if he ends up in jail because of this I won't stay around. I will need everyone's support to make sure I stick to that promise. Like I said no matter how you look at it the whole thing sucks!

I am also married to a crack addict. Your situation sounds like I am writing it. I have been with my husband since he was 17 years old. He is now 43. We broke up for a few years because I could not handle him getting high, stealing, going to jail and the feeling of being lonely all the time. He would lie to me. Take off for days and go on a crack mission. Than come back and tell me how bad he felt and how sorry he was and to just give him a chance he would stop. As crazy as it sounds I love him til death and always stood by him threw everything. As I said we broke up for a few years and I moved from our home state to Florida. We have now been back together 2 years. I thought a new state he does not know anyone. We will do great this time. In the begining all was perfect. But the last 6 months he has been getting high again. It is getting so bad now. I just do not know what to do. He goes days not sleeping not eating and just getting high. I love him so much and want to stand by him and help him get help. He tells me he will go to NA meetings and never goes. So tonight I decided I would go to a NA meeting myself. Maybe it will help me??? I just feel so helpless. I am lonely have no one to talk to because my familiy would not understand they will just say leave him. Easier said than done. I love him. But very confussed. Stand by him and hope he gets help and stop using or just leave again knowing that I love him. He does not realize what his addiction is doing to me. He feels he is only harming and hurting himself.