The Pain Never Stops, I Wish I Could Forget But Can Not Let Go

I thought I was marring the perfect man. The perfect man has turned into the worst part of my life. I long to be free but know that can never be, not until I finally breathe my last breath. the lies, that is the worst. The constant cut-downs, picking a fight to justify his infidelity. Not that it matters anymore it doesn't.  Life has a way of allowing us to go into a world no one else can enter, our own. I have become unable to work and can no longer feed his addiction. He has a way to find it thou. He lays in the bed for days at a time, says he can't function with out his drugs, so he don't. He. eats, sleeps and cries.then he gets his self stupid up and runs around like someone crazy. I just hope that I, in what I call my corner of the world ,smile and say what I am suppose to as to not sat him off. In has deference the beatings and the hurtful things have always been something I did are said "to set his blood boiling". the worst part he beats me with those big hands clasped into a fist in the top of my head, he is careful not to go to jail. My family stopped coming years ago, friends also. now that I have computer I can freely talk with friends and family again. I never say any thing and they don't ask. They gave up on me a long time ago because i am still with him. I tried many times to get away, even joined the carnival, he found me and destroyed that also. I am still alive breathing air in my lungs, but my life has been over for years. I try to live a Christian life and am in love with Jesus Christ, my only  hope. Please don't end up like I have, don't wait until you have no choices in life other than death.
mommaceitta mommaceitta
51-55, F
8 Responses Dec 26, 2011

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I have a sense....based on observations made in meetings by women who like yourself still need to talk about it.

Get closure, or just confidence.

Of course I attend meetings in Australia where I live.

I have two suggestions

Are you interested in hearing them ?

yes I am, I know I fell apart and then just got up and walked around with pieces everywhere, and because I have been the survivor and strong for so long everyone thinks I am fine, but I am messed up bad. I don't know what to do short of blowing my brains out, now I am having fun so don't want to do that. lol told you lost it. lol

Many of us have found Al Anon can assist with the healing

would it help me now, after he has passed? i am not so sure help is out there for me, i may have really just lost it

Have you tried going to Al Anon ?

My Husband has since passed away. I always knew only death would make it stop but really always thought it would be mine.
In the last year of our lives together things got good again, and i fall back in love with over and over, i miss him daily, but am haunted from the abusive part also. I have a lot of healing to do, and not sure how...

I pray you are in a better situation today. There are many people and places willing to help and I pray you find a place to recoup. If there was anything Icould do for you I would help. You are incharge of you and the addiction demon has less power than you. Stay Strong .

There are women's shelters houses can get out, you know you can. You just need to gather the courage! Don't let him win

10 days after i wrote this message...i found out my son is an addict...wierd..

i am so sorry, so very sorry this brings tears to my eyes as I know what your life will soon be like. be strong,
my prayers have been answered as for as mine goes, will be here if you need a friend

i will fight till the bitter end to help him get off have your prayers been answered if i may ask?

Yes, time to take action, please do me a favor and call that number above or next time your at a drs or hospital tell someone discretely and the will help you!! Good luck i hope you the best!!May the lord be with you on your quest for justice!


As long as you are still alive it is NOT too late to change your life. No one deserves to be abused. I don't even know who you are but I can honestly tell you that I care very much about you and want to see you happy. Please reach out and get help. Call this number 1-800-621-HOPE (4673) or walk into the nearest hospital or clinic and speak with a nurse. Sending you lots of love and prayers .