Had No Clue What I Was Getting Into

A year or so ago, I fell in love with one of my best friends who happened to be a pothead. I had no clue what ride I was in for after that. This man has caused me so much pain from the fallout from his addictions and lying that I'm on three different anxiety/depression meds trying to get myself together and come to grips with it all. After dating only a couple months, I fell pregnant despite the use of birth control. We have a beautiful baby girl now, and he has a wonderful daughter from a previous marriage, but goodness gracious... addictive personalities are horrible. After a while, I found out that not only was he addicted to drugs, he's addicted to gambling, girls, drinking, etc. It's like he's addicted to being addicted. After losing a LUCRATIVE job by failing a drug test, he swore to never touch any type of drug again. We started going to church not only for spiritual guidance, but to find some friends who weren't druggie losers, and made a pact to each other to GROW UP. It is defininitely true what they say: having a child changes your priorities in life. Long story short, I let my guard down. We were happy, and he was doing great. I was making major steps to get over all the pain and bad memories, and I actually trusted him again. He relapsed. Trust effectively destroyed. Again. I feel so stuck.,.. I don't want my daughter to grow up in a broken home. I don't want to leave his other daughter, because I love her, and her mother is ummm.. sub-par. I feel like the only stable person in her life, but I can't be miserable and terrified about when the next time he's going to do something generally *******-like is going to come. I love him, and he loves me, but man I got myself into a mess. It's rough. I have absolutely no clue what to do.
greenjello83 greenjello83
2 Responses Mar 5, 2012

I am in similar situation and after a year in the program Alanon has saved my life. I suggest you check out a meeting.....go to at least six before deciding if it's for you or not. BTW, even though Alanon specifically addresses those affected by alcoholism the program applies to being affected by any addiction. Best Wishes.<br />
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This is my first time on this site b/c my husband is a drug addict and I feel hopeless too. So I'm a newbie to the site but not to the predicament. One thing I can say to you from my own experience is to get out while you're young and healthy. I too am prescribed antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds. But this is the second marriage for us so I'm 54 and after 10 years of this I am completely disabled and unable to support myself. But it sounds like you're younger, but as you know, the longer you live like this the sicker you're gonna get. I'd give anything to go back and leave him 10 years ago, right after I discovered his big secret. He's disabled now too from an accident at work, so a divorce will leave me with nothing as we are probably going to lose our house. Please take care of yourself and your baby. I don't know what to say about your step daughter? You could talk to a social worker who might have more answers on that. My prayers go out to you.