Me Me Me

We met in August of 2004.
I was 27, single and Loved smoking weed.
He made the moves and we enjoyed doing weed,cocaine together.
Together we went to the UK, then Egypt and Israel - where I fell pregnant with our First Child.
I still smoked weed on occasion but for the most part stopped my daily joints, and now don't touch drugs.
He never stopped.
I thought that becoming a Father would cause him to become Responsible - it never happened.
Now 8 Years, one abortion and our Second Child later he has finally gone into rehab.
Now I am Angry!
Mostly I am Angry with myself.
Why did I chose such a bad Father for my Children?
Why didn't I just carry on walking that night instead of speaking to him?
Why is he not sorry for all the pain,suffering,heartache,lies,torture he put me through?
Why have I stayed with him?
And now,when he gets out, how long before he relapses?
Am I willing to live with that threat over my head for another 8 years?
The addict needs his wife's support.
Where is My support?
Who do I turn too for help?
I went last night to an open AA meeting.
Two people were celebrating their Sobriety Birth Days.
Not One of them acknowledged what they had done to their Spouses/Family/Children!
Not One!
It was all "ME ME ME"!
How Their Lives had been ruined by Alcohol blah blah blah.
What about your Partners Ruined Life!
They are such Selfish Beings!
Even in Recovery they are Selfish!
It seems they have to be wrapped in cotton wool and molly coddled so that their Fragile Egos and sense of self does'nt get bruised and send them back over the cliff!
What about me?
What about You?
What about Our wounds?
Our Despair?
Who is there to cotton wool us?
Absolutely NO ONE!
We are left to the bone pickers while they strut out in their Self Glory Recovery Mantle!
I Need to Release this Anger...................Time for Another Tattoo!
Vcath Vcath
2 Responses May 9, 2012

I agree, this is exactly what I am feeling right now.

sounds like we are going through a similar experience the only difference is that your partner is getting help and mine refuses. I'm so miserable and depressed :( I found out about P.A.L support group for parents and spouses of drug addicts you should look into it, I plan on going to my first meeting tomorrow.