Painkillers And Babies Don't Mix....

I found out my husband had an issue with pills right after we got engaged. He told me that he quit the pills soon after that and that he would never go back to that place again. I chose to believe him and support him in his recovery.....which he supposedly he did on his own. Fast forward 2 years.....I was six months pregnant (Dec. 2010) and H broke his foot bc he was drunk and messing around on my mom's ATV. I warned him.....NO opiates. Well it has been hell ever since. He is on suboxone and xanax now, but it might as well just be the oxy. At one point, when our son was an infant, he was giving our nieghbor 400.00 a month for pills. I have so very much resentment built up and I feel like everything he says is a LIE. All he ever does is sit out on our back porch on his computer, smoking like a chimney and drinking beer. He can't spend true quality time with his son and I, but he can certainly remember to pop his suboxone at certain times each day.

He also has an online shopping addiction and to date has spend over 3k on Legos.....yes, Legos. We paid off our credit cards in the Spring 2012 and I was SO proud of us, but soon I saw all of the Ebay was just too much for me to bear and I left for the summer (I am a teacher) to visit my sister and father. When I returned I decided to try one last time. Nothing has changed and I am at the end of my rope. We never make love anymore and I feel disgust when I look at him because he is choosing to not engage with me (he does play with our son) as a husband. I look at my 18 month old son and my heart breaks. I KNOW what having no father does to children, I see it in my high school classroom every day! We have tried counseling and we are going to try a church-based recovery group. At 32 years old I just CAN'T continue like this, i feel like I am drying up inside.
zerodramamama zerodramamama
1 Response Sep 20, 2012

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