My Husband Is Addicted To Crack Cocaine

Hi, I'm married to a crack addict.. When I first met him, he was everything I could have asked for.. He's tall, muscular, handsome, good sense of humor, so much fun to be around. He was very attentive, and loving, giving. Everything I could have wanted in partner. I felt I met my match,after a previous failed marriage.. My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for 6, but he has been a crack addict for 20 + years. I've stayed with him, through his many incarcerations.He doesn't have a relationship with his children, and that he's been this way with all of his ex's.. He's a pathological lier and he's bipolar, so his attention span is very short. I don't know if I grew up, or just got tired of him leaving for days, asking me for money, or stealing money, and or items out of the house, but him not being here, or calling me on my birthday 12/4 was the last straw. He came in the day after my birthday, with lots of anger towards me, packing his clothes and leaving, saying when I get the divorce papers to let him know, and he'll come sign them..He left not giving me back the keys to the apartment, saying he needed to come and get the rest of his clothes and put them in storage.. (I was thinking when he said that, "Now how are you gonna do that, when you don't have an income"? But it is what it is.. For the last few days, he's been calling me, acting like everything is ok, saying we needed a brake, but at the same time, telling me he'll sign the divorce papers when I get them.. None of those two statements make any sense together. I never heard of taking a break in a marriage, unless you're planning on NOT being together.. I changed the door locks today..It hurts, I'm not gonna lie, but I deserve to be respected and loved. I still love him yes, some would say that I'm sounding desperate, wanting to be with a man that doesn't respect me, and the only time he comes around, and is attentive, is when I'm getting ready to get money.  I would like to believe that he will change, but in my heart, I believe he will die in the streets smoking crack.
sdjo sdjo
56-60, F
7 Responses Dec 6, 2012

Good morning from Ga .. My husband just yesterday had a intervention with me & his parents this is his second day of being sober . I knew he was on drugs but not crack ! I'm still in shock by that his parents thank God are helping us I'm going to be in charge of the finances now . I'm hoping he will do what he says he's going to do & do right by me our 17 month old son . When we met I knew he was a recovering addict & he went to meetings every day but after we got together & he moved in with me he didn't have his meetings anymore . But I thought well he's string doesn't need that but I was dead wrong . Now he relapsed for I know 7 months on alcohol & drugs but crack got a hold of him he nearly lost my wedding ring .. He got it out yesterday & I gave it to his mom for safe keeping . I just pray for stength to get thru this & him to be able to beat this . But I highly doubt I will stay with him . I can't go thru this again drugs & addicts I've been around my whole life thru my own mother & other family members . & I will not have my child go thru & see this . I'll get my husband thru this & when I know he's strong to stand on his own I want to separate hopefully we will be friends & be able to go parent . Just needed to vent love this support group ! God bless all the women that are going thru some kind of addiction with their loved ones .

Bless your heart - being married to a crack addict is so hard. I am experiencing the same thing. Your story is exactly like mine - the incarcerations, the moodiness, the coming around when money's about to come in. I asked my husband to leave and come back when he's ready to go to rehab and eventually get a job. We have been married for 20 years and I feel that my insides have been torn out of me. The pain of being without the man I believed to be my soulmate is unbearable. I know this is the best chance we have if we have one at all. Enabling in even a small way will insure he continues using. Our children need consistency - they have it in his absence. My husband will come around and ring the doorbell incessantly and will call in the middle of the night - its hard to say no when I am lonely for him - I remind myself of how bad it is when I do give in. The only way this will work is if he comes back asking for rehab. Keep the faith and continue to focus on progressing for you :-)

I have been married to my husband for almost 3 years, together 6 years. My second marriage his first. He has been an addict for 20 years as well. I have known him since 8th grade -12th grade. I had not seen him since high school. When we first got together I did not know how this addiction thing worked, but I soon found out. He would leave in the middle of the night and take the money from his paycheck out of my purse and I would not see him for maybe a week or two. I took him back several times during this period of dating. After six months of this we seperated, He got clean and stayed clean for about a year and half. We married 14 months sober, so I thought. He was working and doing quite well at his job, getting promotions and all was going good. We went on vacations each year for our anniversary. I started to notice a difference in him, about a year and half into our marriage when i found out he was lying to me about several text messages on his phone, from different women. He began to stray to look for attention to feed his ego. and then he started leaving in the middle of the night again, this time for two or three days. Things started coming up missing in our home (electronics). Things began to get worse, when he came home one day without his wedding ring. I was devestated that he would stoop to that level. But I realized he is an addict and I can't change that he must do that on his own. For the past three months he has left in the m iddle of the night four time, he has now lost his job, left a day before he got paid picked up his check and blew the entire check leaving me to figure out things. I have asked for a divorce and for him to leave our home. I have just had enough and can't do this anymore. I am devestated, my heart is broken. I am staying strong, sometimes i feel so stupid to have let this go on for this long in my life. I know one day things may be different for him, because he does believe in GOD. But I just can't wait around to see if that happens.

I found this site today because my addicted ex-husband died in a motel room on Christmas eve from an overdose. He never changed - not for the better and I supported him for eleven years, through four rehabs and then incarcerations. One of the best days of my life was when he left nine years ago. In the twenty years I'd known him, nothing was more important than his meth. Two days ago he gave his life for it and now I have to tell the kids. I'm dreading it. But I spent the last nine years getting healthy myself and one thing they have is a strong mother. Well done for changing the locks. That took courage - keep it up and if he does die of crack, you'll be in a better position to handle it from a distance. Bless you and nobody here thinks you're desperate - we all know exactly how hard it is to let go.

Happy New Year.. Thank you for your story.. Very sorry to hear that your ex-husband died from his addiction.. That is my fear for my husband..
I hope your children understand that this is not their fault, and that their father had a sickness, but loved them.. God Bless you all!

I personally am a crack addict myself. did it 3 days ago. For approx. 3 years now here in Orlando florida. Not responding to give u advice it is a powerful plant that exploits our weakness & rape's us of our money and self esteem.

Hi I live with an addict too! It had gotten pretty bad since he had his own car. He too will stay out a few days and now reading different articles I see I have been his enabler and been in a codependent relationship . Well that stops today! I have threatened him, and not followed through on it. I must set boundaries and start going to al-non. But I will no longer help him stay addicted. I must focus on positive changes in my own life and not focus on him . I have given him over to God. You do the same and see the powerful work of God!
God bless you and it will work out

SO important to follow through tell someone you can trust that will help support you when you threaten him. My dad was the person for me I was scared to tell him but he told me to stay with him and I told my husband i would not go home until he got help. He's in a 1 year program in which he has completed 2 months so far... one day at a time... if my dad had not help me accountable I probably would have gone back home too and still be so miserable he's a sweetie but those days he'd freak out and punch holes in the walls and get in my face and scream I wondered who did i marry?

I'm thankful my dad helped me! He would not let me go back... having accountability is so important... within 2 weeks of telling him if he ever wanted to live with me again he had to get help..... he went to get help! :) PRAISE GOD!!! Prayer is powerful!

It's highly unlikely he will ever stop. You will be better off without him. And I speak from pure experience. It is wonderful to not come home and see what he has taken from our home to sell for crack. And I don't have to hide the rent money. I could go on and on. My kids and I may not have much but what we have will still be here when we get home from school and work. I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong and remember you will be just fine. Message me if you need to. -Sunny

That is what I'm afraid of, even though he promises to get help and go into a program.. Thank you for your words of strength and kindness.. God Bless