Living A Lie

I have been married for 27 yrs to my best friend. We have a daughter who is 23.
I have Multiple Sclerosis . I suffer from chronic pain so I take methadone and fentora( fentanyl ).
My husband began stealing my meds 15 yrs ago, He has left me with no meds. I physically need my medication.
Every time I have come up short he denies taking my meds. This break my heart all I ask for is the truth. It takes him weeks before he tells me the truth. What baffles me I am the most understanding person . I have told him I understand this disease and the truth will set us free. The truth always eludes me.
Many times I thought of leaving to have distance and clarity. However we do not have the money for either one of us to leave.
I have become a depressed person. I don't go out. I have a knot in my throat all the time.
Six months ago I told him I was done. He went on suboxone . Things get better for a while I started believing all was well until my count comes up short, and the denial begins
The worst part is he is a retired high level law enforcement officer. I am not saying anyone is immune to this disease , but we were in fear of getting caught.
My husband was understanding and went out of his way for a fellow DA or alcoholic. Finding them help and support.I know he felt tremendous guilt on the job.
I love and adore my husband , but when he falls he does not let me help him, his first response is to deny.
I never see myself without him but I do know if I had the money I would give myself the space I need.

KarrieZ KarrieZ
51-55, F
1 Response Dec 8, 2012

I understand your perdictiment, I have been on the methodone program for about a year now and I have seen the good of it and the bad , and I have tried the suboxone, I had a bad reaction with that med. My wife does not mess with anything, she only wishes the best , be careful , and make your self be greatful, and happy.

Thank you, it felt good to get my story out. I appreciate your input and good wishes.
Best of luck to you and your family. All my best, K