A Roller Coaster Ride

I am married to this man for 13 years now but been with him for 16 years...i know from the start that he was a meth user and that he had been rehab...he used to stole things like my jewelries and of course he lies a lot but being a hopeless romantic i have that belief that one day he will quit i know he tried...he is an occasional user, he has a good job and his superiors are all praises for him...he doesnt hurt me physically but emotionally i am really devastated...he had always accused me of having an affair with whoever and God knows i NEVER lay down with anyone but him...today after 2 years we are at the same situation over...i am thinking of separation/ divorced but my income is not enough to fend 4 more lives...my kids are achievers in school and i dont want to burden them with the idea of having a broken home least i dont want their academics to suffer...whats happening now is worst that our bout 2 years ago and my fear is that he may loose his job and my kids will suffer as a consequence as they are used to having a pretty comfy life..ive read about narc-anon and i am entertaining the thought of joining...please anyone out there help me enlighten..
mrsconfuse mrsconfuse
3 Responses Dec 9, 2012

I was in the same situation - meth is a terrible thing, my husband was an addict too. Two things you said I would ask you to look at again, the first is that he is an occasional user - I thought mine was too - that's what he told me, but paranoia is a symptom of a habitual user. He thinks you are sleeping with someone else, sounds like paranoia and because I know how they lie, I think you can be sure, absolutely sure, he isn't an occasional user. He's just hiding most of it from you. The second thing is the kids' comfy life - their dad is a meth addict, there's stuff going on that's affecting them every day. Even though I was convinced my husband was faithful to me, years later he admitted he'd had several affairs. I got an STD as a result. As his addiction got worse, the money disappeared, we had to file bankruptcy, he stole from EVERYONE and ended up in jail. Several times. People kept telling me he needed to hit rock bottom and all I could think was how many times must someone hit rock bottom before they come up? In the end I had to leave, even though it left me the sole earner (I never got a penny from him in nine years). I'm on this site today because yesterday morning at 4am I got the call I always knew was coming - he had overdosed and died. I haven't told the kids yet. I'm dreading it. My point is, divorce isnt the worst thing that can happen to your kids. Lack of money isn't the worst thing. One healthy parent is better for them than everything that goes with meth addiction - the fighting, the paranoia, the gradual descent into worse addiction and, in my case, death. I'm so sorry you are going through this, but if you need to step out in blind faith to protect yourself and the kids, do it. I took a flying leap into the unknown but we survived even though his damage continued through 9 years of separation and the worst, for my kids, is yet to come. The one good thing my kids have going for them is a strong, healthy mother who took good care of them. I'm dreading telling them their dad is dead. I wish he'd had the motivation to change, but he didn't. Bless you - keep strong and keep putting you and the kids first.

thanks letitgonow123...it just help to let it out coz i dont discuss this with my family friends...God bless u

this is so stupid... he has no bearing in ur life