My Fiance Is A Pill Addict And Its Killing Me

My partner of three years struggles with a pill addiction. Most recently he has stolen pills from prescriptions belonging to others in the home. I have come to realize that I cannot change him. I struggle everyday, my whole person has changed immensely, I am an emotional wreck, I cannot eat or sleep properly, I bare the brunt of all the adult responsibilities in the relationship. I cry everyday, I have no support, his family is estranged, and his brother has always been an enabler to him. My family is fed up, my friends have had it. I feel so alone, saddened at the thought of being someone who tries so hard and receives not even a minimal amount of respect from her partner. I just don't know what to do any longer, I struggle with leaving, as I have done that once before and came back, his addiction ihas worsened. I hear the same things from him over and over again, Im sorry, I will stop, I dont have a problem, I dont need rehab, I will be there for you, I love you, I will change, I am so numb to these words, I do not believe anything he says anymore. His addiction is consuming me, entirely, I have lost sight of who I am, my strengths, my happiness, I just want to regain those again, I just want to live a happy normal life, and it hurts beyond words to think that the person I have stood by and supported when noone else would can treat me the way he does, I know its the addiction, but he is the addict, the addict who refuses to go that extra mile to maintain a happy healthy drug free life. I feel so beaten down at this point, so much so that I am fed up!!! I have so much more and so many other wonderful people to live for, in a way I feel like an addict, like my addiction is him and his drug abuse, perhaps I need help.
distressedwoman distressedwoman
3 Responses Dec 15, 2012

I really do feel for you. I was in an almost identical situation and believe me I hear you. My entire life was also consumed by my partner's addiction. The advice I can give you is firstly you cannot change him. He has to do it for himself. Please don't take his unwillingness to change as a lack of love for you. Chances are he loves you but is stuck in the cycle. Addicts brain are high jacked and they don't think normal. Secondly seek counselling for yourself. You are important too in all of this and need help. Don't be afraid to spill your guts to a counsellor. You will get through this. I did and I am thankful for my experience it was painful at the time, but I am now studying psychology/addiction to help others. All the best.

I am so sorry for difficult times. I have been in a similar sitution for ten years. And although he has been through treatment and the amount of times drugs are missing is reduced, it still occurs. If you choose to stay with him here are three suggestions; get a safe -you can get one at Target for about a hundred bucks, don't keep your meds in the correct container - a piggy bank or coin purse some place they they wouldn't suspect, move their location every week to a new hiding place - if they have to search the entire house each week they are less likely to find them. Realize that this urge never leaves them and everyone on your house must understand that and keep their meds hidden at all times. Its hard to leave someone you love and have built a life with, but if I knew how the last ten years of my life would have been, then I wish I would have never married him. Good Luck

You definitely need to speak to somebody who is more objective in this scenario, someone who isn't a family member or friend, someone who has no investment in the outcome. I definitely recommend seeing a counsellor or psychologist on your own, it sounds like your partner is not willing to explore this avenue unfortunately, and you really do need some help in deciding how you want to live your life.