When Is It Okay To Come Back?

I won't spend time telling my story since it is like most of yours, my boyfriend of 3 years was addicted to pain medication. I love him and he's the perfect man for me except for his addiction. Everyday was a struggle. I had to watch my money and belongings everyday because he would steal and sell them for drugs but after 3 years I left him. Without my support he hit rock bottom, lost his job, our apartment, and his friends. Now 6 months later it seems he is clean, he has a job and is saving up to move into his own apartment. I want to move back but how do I know for sure he won't do it again? How do you trust someone again?
trae802 trae802
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 15, 2012

You must be very very careful. My ex hit rock bottom many times and died before he could beat his addiction. Could you live separately and spend time with him for a while and see if his change will stick? this will help in two ways, it'll protect you and it'll show him he has to earn you back with consistent clean behavior. When we say "He's perfect except for" one thing, he's not perfect and you can do better. That's plan B. Plan A is you realize you're worth more than this. If you have the choice of two houses, a brand new one or a fixer, which would you choose? When I chose my man, I chose a fixer (who broke me rather than let me fix him) and I wish I'd held out for a good one. Go slow, keep your options open, and if you meet someone who is healthy, that's the way to go. Would this man be good enough for your precious daughter if you have one? If not, he's not good enough for you. Bless you - take care of yourself.

Go slow. It has only been 6 months, give him time to prove that he can sustain a healthy lifestyle - to prove it to himself as much as you. You don't need to move back in right away, you've got your own life to protect, and if you make it too easy for him he will end up seeing his old behaviour as 'ok' - he will start to take risks again bit by bit, knowing that you came back once, that he'll be able to win you over again. And definitely get some counselling together if you want to be with him. I am all for looking for the best in people and giving them the benefit of the doubt - but remember that while you can forgive, you mustn't forget.