My Husband WAS Clean From Heroin For 9 Years...I Feel Hopeless!!

I am writing to you all in sincere hopes that speaking to someone with experience , can and will help me. Please! I am so lost.

Here's the scenario: I met my hsband at 19. We dated for 6 months before I found out he was a heroin addict. At that point, even though he was absolutly the love of my life, we broke up. I moved on. 2 years later I ran into his sister; she went back and told him she saw me. He then in turn called around to friends or friends of friends until he got my cell phone number and called me. Asked to see me. Again, he was the love of my life so I agreed, "for closure"- yeah right!!!! When I met up with him after those years, I instantly adored him. I wanted nothing more than to kiss him and be with him again, but I stayed my distance. He told me that he was still using but finally wanted to get clean. Oh and be with me, of course. Whether the latter was completely true or not, it did'nt matter because I wanted to help him. I set him up at a friends house, I stayed with him. We wound hooking up, dating, going out, blah blah blah! we stayed at my freinds for about 2 months. In that time, every day was a battle. He did detox, meth, cold turkey, heroin maintanance...this was a joke. I was so enamored by him all over again, i could not possible walk away...EVER!!

Last resort, I called my sister a state away and she agreed to let he and I come live with her until we got on out feet. Mind you, she had no idea he was an addict. I know this was wrong of me but I loved him so much!!! Wahtever, moving on, The day we took that ride to the next state over was the last time he would use any drug for 9 years! Well, there was one week of methodone use after that so that he woulodnt be horribly sick. He tapered off that. I think it's inportant to know that for the first year he had no car, worked with my brother, no friends but me and mandatory out-patient. After that first year... We were great! A real, normal life! Marriage, 3 kids, house, cars, vacas, the whole nine!

9 years later I started noticing differences in him. Subtle! I knew it though. I asked him; he denied! This went on for about a year, until we lost our house and everything else went down hill. All those details are unimportant. He finally came clean to me. Because he was addcited to roxies for that year and had now led him back to heroin use. I have been fighting this battle with him now for a total of 3 years and Im at my wits end!Ive tried everything to fix him again but nothings working! He gets clean for a few weeks, maybe a months or 2, sometimes only a few days before hes off and running. Weve moved, lost everything. Ive truly lost hope that he will get and stay clean this time. I need new ideas, Please.I dont want to walk away. I have thrown him out a few times though. That didnt work.

Here's the real kicker... Somehow, even though I dont have aclue how its possible, Im pregnant. We use protection and everything. It was a true accident. I know, I shouldnt even have considered keeping the baby but I am not someone that can discard a life. So, I am 4 months pregnant now and so unhappy and lost. I dont even leave my house. I cry and cry and yell and scream and threaten and nothing works. Few days clean, few days not, tell a habbit, then detoxing, then clean a few get the scenario.

I am begging someone to help me. What can I honestly do to get him to stop? I'll do anything at this point!Please help me. I want that normal life back...with him...and my now 4 kids
raeleemouse raeleemouse
31-35, F
2 Responses Jan 28, 2013

I am truly sorry for what you are experiencing. I am having a similar situation hence the reason why I am on this forum. I don't understand how drugs have this powerful compulsive effect on people and I understand your love for your husband. Ultimately, you just focus on you and the baby. You can't "fix" him.

but i'm sure you know, you or anybody can't get him to stop. He has to want to...or he has to hit his rock bottom...everybody's bottom is different. My son is addicted to heroin, so i understand your just want them to 'see' what damage they are doing!. Is rehab an option? my son is going to rehab in March, and i know that's no guarantee there will be no relapses, but it seems like the only resort for most people. That is so good that he went 9 years.