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I Have Been the Spouse of a Drug Addict

What Am I Supposed To Do?

By: An EP User
Written on February 12th, 2013
My partner started taking heroin 3 years ago. I found out about it after a year and we went through a hard following year and a half of him coming off again. After 5 months of being clean he started again and yet again we went through the hard process of getting him clean.

Now he is not physically addicted but he still takes from time to time. I hate it and I feel it has changed his personality but he wont believe me. He gets depressed and stays in his bed for up to a week at a time. He gets angry really quickly and I am doing all I can but I am not sure what to do now.

I cant get him to fully stop and when he isnt taking that he is smoking a lot of pot or having any powder going. He has no motivation to get up and do things ... I dont know how to help but being in this situation is making me really depressed and making me lose my self confidence ...
By: An EP User
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3 responses
  • warrior217
    warrior217

    Do not feel ashamed. You love him and when he is hurting, it hurts you. When people we love are hurt our first instinct is to take care of them, again you are a good person to be doing that. Have you gone to any 12 step meetings? I know they are not for everyone but nar-a-non may be a place for you to find some strength, courage, and wisdom that you may find helpful in regards to this situation you are in. If not then perhaps seeking you own therapy/counseling. Check this out...it can't hurt naranon.com. Please do not beat yourself up or be ashamed or embarrassed about anything you have done. You did it out of love and that is nothing to be ashamed of : )

    Feb 12
    2 likes
  • warrior217
    warrior217

    ok...I know you love your boyfriend but sweetie, this relationship is toxic. I know you want to help him but if this is still going on on after 3 years of trying to stay clean then my guess is you are not going to be able to do it. And really, HE has to be the one to do it...he needs to want it. I am sure by now you are familiar with the term 'co-dependency'. Well, that is what this sounds like to me. I don't know how much you know about addiction but when a person is addicted, the drink or drug is all they care about, think about, want, love....not you. And it doesn't mean they don't care, love or want you....it means that they are sick, very, very sick. And he needs professional help. You can become addicted to addiction. And it sounds like that is what may be going on here. You are an amazing person to have stayed with someone for this long trying to help them get clean so do not for one second feel less confident about who you are. What you are doing is a very brave thing. But what takes even more courage is loving yourself enough to walk away. I am not saying to do that but it is something you may want to think about. Even though you may not realize it or want to realize it, you could be enabling him which is not going to get him better. Perhaps it may be good for both of you if you walk away. You deserve to be happy. No matter how much we love someone, sometimes love just isn't enough.....sometimes love does not "conquer all"

    Feb 12
    1 like
    • B876
      B876

      I think you could be right and I think that is my largest fear. That I am helping him be this way. He has hardly worked these last 3 years where I have a full career so I end up giving him the money to continue it, i cant bear to see him in pain or so depressed so I give him the drugs he shoudlnt have, hell I have even gone to his dealers houses for him ... I feel so ashamed ...

      Feb 12
      1 like