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The Worst Year of My Life

Well, my husband started abusing prescription drugs last year, and now my life's pretty much in ruins.  We had to quit my job in January due to a chronic illness, we filed for bankruptcy a couple of months ago, and I have sold nearly all of my jewelry to pay bills.  My husband has spent thousands of dollars over the past few months- choosing his addiction over those who love him the most.  I have a 2 year old daughter, and I thank God that she's too young to really understand what's going on, but I don't know how much longer I can do this.  He went to an inpatient program last week, but he hasn't followed up with the outpatient treatment, so I am thinking he is using again.  He has started becoming sneaky again, and I think he has been lying to me again.  The thing is, once you lie to someone a few times, they will never believe what you say after that.  I give him the benefit of the doubt because he's my husband, and I love him with all of my heart, but I cannot live this life much longer.  If he chooses to continue this destructive life, then I will be forced to leave him.  I have been trying to find a job for almost 2 months now, and I'm really praying something turns up.  I have to be able to support myself and my daughter in the event that he can no longer do it.   Thanks to all for listening to my story.

britt1449 britt1449 22-25 15 Responses Jul 11, 2009

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I'm pretty much exactly where u are..this last year has been hell for me..but I don't work..I'm the one who was sposed to stay home with the kids..and now he's not working anymore..and just spends all day getting high..and I can't find a job..I've used up all of the savings I had hidden..and now I'm having to ask family for help with bills..but he still finds the money or the cards..wherever I hide them..and uses it to support his habit..I feel for u..and sincerely hold it gets better

I sincerely feel for all of you ladies as I have been there myself. I have a blog that deals with this very subject. It's my life and what I've done while trying to make the painful decision of whether to stay or leave. You can visit my blog at www.theneveraloneprincess.com. I'd love to have you join me on my journey and be a support to one another. (((HUGS)))

I just sat here and cried my eyes out. These stories are almost identical to mine. I met my husband 18 yrs. ago. He was a hard working, loving man. In 2005, he got hurt at work. We went to a couple of different doctors. This is when all the changes started. The doctor did surgery on his back. The doctor totally screwed him up for the rest of his life. He has permanent nerve damage. So, he was turned over to pain management. Every time he would go back to the doctor, they would give him more and more medicines. I talk to him but he doesn't see it as a "problem". I always get the same answer "The doctor gave them to me". I know he needs the medicine for pain, I just think he is taking too much. Sometimes he doesn't even know where he is. I have to hide it because our friends just would not understand. They think he's a good husband and dad. So, we hide it. I have 2 daughters, one is 12 and the other is 17. I feel like a horrible person because my 17 yr old is having to deal with this when she should not have to worry about things of this nature. I can't tell you how much it means to know I'm not alone. I lean on God just to get from day to day.
Some people say "just leave him". It's not that easy. I love him so much. It helps just to tell someone that is going through the same things. They won't judge you. They understand.

My life is a duplicate of yours, I feel your pain every second of every day. Everything of value is in the pawn shop, be barely works, all the bills are past due, but he still finds money for his pills. I want to take our vows to heart but this isn't what I feel I signed up for, I'm angry all the time, I'm bitter, untrusting, unhappy, and I don't see why I have to be miserable until he decides to get clean, he went to rehab in Florida for 2 weeks but he used as soon as he got home last week. I am at the end of my rope too.

an update to my last post,,, she is on opana, not pana. she is also on pristique.

david

i have been dating a girl for 9 months, I have known her for 13 years. I am in my mid 40's and she is in her late 40's. I knew she was on prescriptions before we started dating. I just didn't know how many. She is on pana instant and extended relief, A migraine preventative (3 times per day) Instant migraine relief (4 times per day, Imitrex and one like it). A pill for siezures, one for itching, because of the opana, one for nausea, and sleeping pill. she was also on xanax for the past eight years and the doc. finally took her off. She is like a zombie at times. she works midnight shift and has trouble sleeping even with a sleeping pill. I have found her in the garage asleep with a cigarette in her mouth, cought her once loading dishwasher detergent in the washer, she was passed out with liquid detergent all over her face. I have had her move out twice. the last time a month ago. we were going to try to keep dating but she has a friend from out of state whose husband has been sending her love and sex texts and dirty pictures of his body. It was the last straw. she always complained that I was jealous and always upset.... i was always upset, I hated seeing her all drugged out. she never saw herself like that. I have been seeing a therapist for a couple of weeks now. my ex was also steeling jewelry from a harley dealer and makeup where ever she could. I advice to anyone, You don't have to live through this.... I know you love the person... I did, but you cant help anyone that don't want help.... if you have kids, the kids pick up on things you wouldn't think they do.... I will always love my ex girlfriend,,, and help her get help if she asks.... but NO ONE need to live in any situation like we have. I hope everyone on this board all the best.

david

My boyfriend of eight years, had been prescribed loratabs in 2007 But at the end of last year was prescribed "roxicontin" I'm so worried about him, he will cry his heart out to me about how bad he wants to be sober, and will go about 3 days before stating he can't handle the pain. But i feel that i don't help him at all with me being so worried and upset i take it out on him. I grew up with an alcoholic father that i didn't meet until i was 15 years old, and a step father whom i call dad that when i was 12 became hooked on any drug he could get a hold of. Seeing the love of my life go through mood swings his eyes being hashed like crazy, not being able to have a full conversation with me with out being defensive is literally killing me. I met him when i was 15 years old, hes 6 years older than me. I have always looked up to him to be that guy that wouldnt push me away or abandon me, he was the most amazing person i have ever known, he still is. But like everyone else has said, COMPLETELY different when on the drugs.. In his case the pills are only considered a drug when he wants to be sober, when he is high they are considered his medication. He keeps telling me he is going to get help and talk to his dr. that can legally prescrive suboxine about starting it, but i have yet to see it. I dont want to leave him, i love him so much. we have a beautiful baby girl and she loves him to pieces daddy's girl through and through. All that i want is for him to be sober and be the man that I fell in love with, do you think that its possible for a drug addict to have the same personality as before? he has told me before that he's afraid that he wont go back to who he was and hes afraid of that. or because he has only known the high person for the past 5 years that he wont like the person he will be when hes sober. I know that y'all probably dont have a lot to say about what im going through, I just have nobody to talk to and im venting.

You are not alone, let me tell you. Apparently i have just come to the realization that my husband is also suffering from an addiction but he refuses to admit to it or what he does. He has battled with an overweight issue and claims that they are only diet pills. He goes weeks up and days hibernating when he is coming down. He is also addicted to erectile pills and keeps me up all night pleasing him sexually. i cant do it anymore either!

My husband and I got married in February 2009. He was a very successful businessman and we had thousands of dollars in the bank. We never had to worry about anything. We have been together since August 2007. Over the past three years, he has abused prescription drugs, but he bought them from other people. He has been in jail 3 times. The first, he was court ordered to a rehab. The second, he had a heart attack at just age 26 and had to be released because they felt they could not take care of him. This third time, he is still currently in jail. He has gotten saved and baptized. And wants me to leave him in jail as long as I think he needs to be there. Also, he wants to attend a Christian Rehab that is long term. The course of 18 to 24 months. I too, wanted to leave my husband for the sake of our two children, one is 3 and the other is 4 months. However, I have prayed to the Lord and He has told me not to leave him. That He will help him be the husband, father, the person that God intended on him being. Prayer is a powerful thing. You might not be religious, but even the non-religious type, God listens to and answers your prayers.

My husband has been an addict for years! He was doing so good for such a long time but in 2009 he started back up and hit rock bottom. I kicked him out and it destroyed my little girl. After 2 months he had straightened up and got help so I said I would give him one more chance. For the next 2 years he was doing so great, I was so proud of him. But recently I ended up in the hospital very sick. All of the sudden money was disappearing, he was acting strange and mean (when he is not using drugs he is the best person ever), then he forged checks on my business account to cash. When I found out about this I gave him a drug test and it was positive! At that moment I stuck to what I told him; I started making arrangements to leave him. He is telling me that I am throwing our life away but he does not understand I refuse to have my child under the same roof with someone using drugs. I am moving 1300 miles away in a few weeks. It hurts so bad because I do love him, it is breaking my heart. But deep down I know he will never stop completely until he figures out why he keeps going back. He has drained our bank account, stolen things from me to get the drugs. To top it all off I am dealing with a really bad health problem that I may have to have surgery for and the stress is making it worse.

He thinks I don't love him, but that is not true. I love him very much and it tears my heart in two to know he will probably get a lot worse before he gets better.

I just asked the love of my life to leave our home last night. He has been taking way to many prescription meds for a while but the lightbulb just went off in my head recently. Wow.. he is such a different person when taking too many drugs; mean, nasty etc. I feel lost and I feel as if I lost my best friend, my lover (though he hasn't been interested in a while), my confidant and my husband. I am very sad and don't know what to do. I'm very confused because I do know there is a good, loving, caring person underneath this mask of drugs. I now realize this was going on long before us. I didn't pay attention to the signs. I didn't think I had to and never doing any kind of drug in my life I just kept thinking okay it's for the pain.

I feel your pain. My boyfriend of 4 years is addicted to pain killers and xanax. I made he move out 4 months ago because of it. I have found him dead 6 times where a Champlin was waiting for me in the ER, his family and I did an intervention and he went to a rehab that cost 35,000 a month and was using again 2 days after returning home. He verbally and mentallly abused me and my kids. He has done physical damage to my home and put me severly in debt. He stole things from me and my son to pawn to get pills. He still tries to stay in my life but I can tell he is still using. When I tell him no he threatens me and I literally fear for my life. I had hope that he would get sober but honestly I dont think he ever will. He lost custody of his daughter that he fought hard for and lost her after only one year, which I took care of her because he was always high and passed out. Towards the end he was only awake for about 6 hours a day. It has been really hard because he is a good guy and I love and miss him and I have hope and I fear that he will get sober and I wont be there to enjoy it but then I think about all the hurt he has caused me and the kids and how selfish he is and how bad I am struggling now and he doesnt really care. He is living with his sister for free and his mom is taking care of him financially because he cant get a job and then I remember how mad I was all the time just looking at him high and him lying to my face and making me believe I was the crazy one and I know in my heart and for my kids that it is best that he stays away from me and anyone in my life. Stay strong. Its so hard, I know but it gets easier and have faith and hope for YOU not for him. Read the book codependent no more. It helps me get through all of this.

Amazing strength and i am saddened to hear that you are coping with this matter. I need to also find my inner voice and stand up for myself also. My husband that i have been with for 9 years now has been on and off yet refuses and denys he does anything. Today will be the 3rd day that he is passed out while my little ones run free in the home and i am at work. Its hard to just say goodbye, but i know its for the best. Ill keep you posted.

I just asked the love of my life to leave our home last night. He has been taking way to many prescription meds for a while but the lightbulb just went off in my head recently. Wow.. he is such a different person when taking too many drugs; mean, nasty etc. I feel lost and I feel as if I lost my best friend, my lover (though he hasn't been interested in a while), my confidant and my husband. I am very sad and don't know what to do. I'm very confused because I do know there is a good, loving, caring person underneath this mask of drugs. I now realize this was going on long before us. I didn't pay attention to the signs. I didn't think I had to and never doing any kind of drug in my life I just kept thinking okay it's for the pain.

I think you should find a good support group that deals with families of addicts, I know that here in Australia they have them.

Good Luck - Its such a hard road and I think the best thing would be to get out of there until he sees the light, unfortunately if he isnt asking for help there isnt anything you can do.

Mx

I've gone to Alanon meetings, they are mostly religious based and they teach you to cope, not fix the problem. AA is more for listening to users, you can gain alot of knowledge by listening to the people addicted, but I would look for a support group with counsellors who deal with these addicts. I'm currently attending meetings offered by the mental health department of the government. Maybe there is something like that where you live or something through your health care.

I've gone to Alanon meetings, they are mostly religious based and they teach you to cope, not fix the problem. AA is more for listening to users, you can gain alot of knowledge by listening to the people addicted, but I would look for a support group with counsellors who deal with these addicts. I'm currently attending meetings offered by the mental health department of the government. Maybe there is something like that where you live or something through your health care.

I recently found out my wife is addicted to pain killers. It started with a back injury a few years ago and evidently over the last few years she has had other injuries and has gone to doctors for relief from the pain and they have all too easily prescribed her pain killers. The only doctor who has said he would only give her enough t get by was her OBGYN. She initially addmitted she was addicted in February but I didn't believe her I thought she was just being emotional, but about a weekago she addmitted she had seen a thearpist and was going to be admitted into a 10 day detox program. She had her initial evaluation yesterday and her prognosis was very good as she had not been on the drugs that long and she had not taken that much. I am floored by this and I don't know what to do. The problem now is I'm emotionally drained. Where is my support? I've though about going to an alanon or some other support meeting, but I'm afraid I might see someone I know and she doesn't want anyone to know. I feel very alone.