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My Boyfriend Is In Jail Because of His Addiction!

My boyfriend has been doing crack cocaine behind my back for months.  He also has bipolar disorder to make things worse.  I have never done a drug in my life nor do I even know what most of them look like so I had no idea.  I should have known since we never had any money, not even a dollar a day!  But I thought since he gets section 8 and can't get a job on the books and gets an ss check a month that maybe it's because the money just all went to bills and that's why we had no money.  I was very wrong. 

It turns out all the money was really going to his drug addiction.  He was out all day/night and acting different maybe about a month or 2 after we started dating.  He has had a drug problem in the past but I thought he was past that.  One day a couple weeks ago the cops were called on him because he was seen at a rest area all drugged out begging people for money (presumably for drugs) when he actually told me he was going on a job interview :o(.  Now he has been arrested for this and he has a bad previous record for things such as weapons charges and assult when he was younger. 

He is 33 years old now.  I even got pregnant by him (on purpose) because we planned on marrying and starting a family because that's how much we love each other-I just didn't know he also was in love with crack cocaine too.  As it is I lost the baby because of all this :o(.  We have no idea when he's going to get out, he says he still wants to marry me, have a family with me and that he's not going to let me down and he'll do whatever it takes to be with me and get better. 

But I've never been with an addict before, and he has relapsed before...how can I help him and make sure this never happens again?  Is rehab the only option or can I also do other things for/with him to help him?

OperaGurL12 OperaGurL12 22-25, F 9 Responses Jul 29, 2009

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Run.....far away......he is gone. sorry

Run. Run now. I have been with a drug addict for 10 years and should have left a long time ago. Many rehabs, broken promises, lies, affairs and major devastation lie in your future. They are all a part of our past. I love her, adore her and wish things were different but they aren't and won't be. So my best advice to you is to run and don't look back. No judgement, just my best advice after living with, loving and losing my best friend to crack, heroin and pills. Run now.

Please message me ok , we have a lot in common .... :-) to many people judge and not a lot understand... So yea if you'd like to talk .I'm k ...

The good thing is now that he is in jail, he can sober up. The problem is what he decides to do once he gets out? In order to stay clean he has to stay active in programs like NA and cut off ALL ties to those people that were involved in that life with him. If he is not willing to do that, it will happen all over again. Good luck.

One of the last things my ex-wife told me. "You know what crackheads do for fun when they get together? The brag about how badly they **** over those they love and those that love them."<br />
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Do Not Help Him! It is a trap and he will twist you around his finger in one lie after another using your compassion as a weakness. Not only that, he has a support group of other crackheads that will give him advice on how to manipulate you! He has to help himself, and until he does he is a threat to you.

I know that this is probably hard to read but I agree with the other posts also. If he is in jail, it is the best place for him...It's better than dead which is where he is headed. You can't help him. He has to help himself and it is very rare that they do for good. My boyfriend stayed clean for 5 years and was so proud of himself...not proud enough, I guess! Get away if you can. I'm sorry!

I agree with the above post. I have been with my husband since I was 19 also. I am now 36 and It has gotten worse not better. I have stayed thinking he will change. I do love him. But I believe that I am not in love anymore. It hurts so bad. We have a 9 year old daughter and believe me. I thought that would change him also and want to be a father. That is not the case. She urns for his attention all of time. He has made me believe that i have caused all of this. That it is my fault. I am here to find people like you. That I am not alone. I cried so hard at the end of the story of Whatmatterscantbeseen's story. I keep thinking he will change. He has been unemployed now for about 1.5 years. I will work on my story shortly.

Sadly, I am beleiver that you have to be outside of the situation such as yours (and mine, I started this group) to really see and realize the damage that has taken place.<br />
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I lived with a drug addicted partner/spouse for over ten years and spent so much of my time, like you, trying to love just a little bit more or trying to be just a little bit better, even getting pregnant to try and change him and make him "see"that he had so much more to live for and so much more to "be" in this world.<br />
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After two kids (ages 11 1/2 and 3) and now almost two years of my own MENTAL sobriety (meaning, being away from the poisonous environment), I feel nothing for him anymore and realize that, it was because of low self esteem that I went for someone like him when I was 19 and I continued to "need" that environment for some reason. After getting away from him, I started to see very clearly what a loser her was. He never has held a long term job, I always supported he and the children. He did so many things from lying, cheating and stealing from his own family, to never maintaining a drivers license long enough to not get pulled over and thrown back in jail/court.<br />
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It takes a long time to let go and stop throwing them the life raft. But, sometimes as much as we hope, they never do hit bottom and they just seem to be destined for/continue choosing a dangerous path. <br />
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Remember. Some people don't want to get better. Those are the ones that are okay to walk away from. You CANNOT save him. He has to want the help to heal his heart and soul. <br />
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Take care of you. Take the first step and walk away. Give it a few months (and I am not saying it will be easy). You will see clearer and realize you are better and more beautiful without him.<br />
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Take Care

Clearly his track record is something to be considered. At 33 years old , change is not easy nor will it be any easier at 34 years of age. People seldom change their ways although they all claim they will.<br />
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He has consistently lied and will from my perspective continue to do so. Even without his drug addiction his bi-polar condition will continue to plague your relationship for years to come if he does not stay medicated..<br />
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I cannot advise people on how to run their lives but I would strongly recommend that you steel yourself up get some self esteem and find yourself a man without the kind of baggage this man carries. <br />
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There are people in this world that cannot live their lives without difficulty. Your boy friend seems to be one of them.<br />
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Believe me when I say that your affection for him apparently has not been effective in bringing him to his sense nor will it ever be.<br />
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Understand I do not wish to be critical. I am just concerned that you don't throw away your life uselessly on one who doesn't appreciate your efforts..