I Am Currently The Fiance Of A Relasped Drug Addict

I am currently the fiance of a relapsed drug addict and have no idea where to go with my thoughts or feelings.

We had our wedding planned, a house under contract, ring picked out and now he just finished 7 days

detox after 2.5 years of being sober and lied to me every step of the last 2 months.  We lived together.  I

was blind.  I feel many feelings of anxiety, depression, nervousness about where to go with My future

with the love of my life, and how to make decisions, sleep, and eat with such a stressed body.

Do you believe in the future of unconditional love and support past mistakes or do you thank God

you aren't married yet?  I've seen him twice since he has been sober for 2 weeks and feel the same,

he feels the same, and he has been completely honest about all his lies but what do I do? Help... 

lakm7f lakm7f
26-30, F
3 Responses Feb 15, 2010

I am reading this entry because this is my situation. Though we are engaged, I have not intention of getting married until he is truly getting help. But lets be real, that will never happen either. He is a liar and he lies when it would be totally cool to tell the truth. He lies because he always has. He lies when I know the truth and when I call him on it, he just shrugs his shoulders. I go to Al-Anon party because I am also the adult child of an alcoholic and because he isn't just a cocaine addict, he's a drunk. I'm falling out of love with him daily. I can't leave because I've been unemployed for 18 months and I have nowhere to go. I am trying so hard to get a job but with his constant bad behavior, I feel like I cannot get my life under control. It's as if I were a drunk that was trying to get sober, but can't because my partner is still drinking. I can't catch a break being with him. I've threatened and done all the classic co-dependent stuff that simply does not work. What I know I have to do is just leave. But like I said, and go where to a homeless shelter? And you know, because he is also an adult child of an alcoholic he has all the same f'ed up co-dependency issues too...I'm telling you I live in hell. He doesn't love me, he just doesn't want to be alone. He hates being alone so much he has to have the TV on 24/7. Oh, did I mention the ADHD and the **** and the work addiction?...throw that in for good measure. I know I can't marry him, will not marry him, I just have no idea how to tell him to where he knows I'm serious. I've cried I'm leaving so many times that now he just laughs. So my co-dependent, ACA self is living with a co-dependent alcoholic, cocaine & **** addict, workaholic, ADHD freak. As I write this, I can't believe I've not left or slit my wrists!

**** = P O R N - why would they redact that word?! Seriously this is a problem too! It is a nightmarish morale destroying problem!

I'm engaged too , starting to plan my wedding and I'm starting to believe the phrase "once an addict always an addict" . It's not fair that i have to keep supporting him and lifting him up and its not fair to him that i question his every move. I'm at a standstill as well and I dont know where to go ...

A few months before I married the love of my life I found out he was a cocaine addict. He went into rehab, relapsed a few times, then cleaned up his act. We got married- he was clean for about 2 to 3 years (so he says), now we've been together for 8 years and married for 5 and he is putting me through pure hell. He has cocaine and gambling binges periodically, and he drinks until he staggers. I can't wait to leave him so I can have peace and happiness again.