When You Say It Like That

hello to the unfortunate few,

I have the distinction of being a 4 decade+ time served veteran.

To the folks that have been dosed with l.s.d. and given electroshock,
you were no doubt violated but take peace in the knowing that you are done.

I can't tell you what my experience has been, it's not something that can be explained those who have not been there. Even the people who do it to us can't understand the experience from our perspective, it's just one of those things that no matter how open minded you are, the truth of it is not something you really can, or want to find, because if you do,
it's happening to you!

When i first became aware something was happening to me I didn't know what was going on and over the years as the truth of it became clear
I struggled with "how".
How can this be possible?
How can they do this thing that I knew to be impossible except in the imagination. Eventually, thoughts turn to... o.k., so, it can be done... but who?

I think we all know who, don't we? it's "Them" and who are they... "Not us"
and that's all I know about that.

So "Why"

Why would they do this?
Why am I chosen to have this type of attention.
Why would they do it to a little child? a baby! if implants were involved.
Why in the Ottawa general hospital in 1968 was this done?
Why a blond haired, blue eyed baby boy born in ******* Canada!
Why would they choose to make me suffer in life? And
Why for so long?

These type questions were part of an ever constant internal monologue.
Were they my thoughts at all? This is the crux of it. Where does their influence end and where do I begin? If at all! Are these my thoughts expressed here? ****!
when you say it like that...

The who? The how?, The why?, in the end are not important.
For most of us who struggle with these very real problems,
the only question that really matters is "Can I be saved?"
I don't Know the answer for everyone.

For some, it may be Yes! some others, not so much. For me, after all the effort "They" put into giving me the 16 inch over a ridiculous amount of time it's a good bet that the cavalry is coming but not to help.

Thanks for your time.


wbill wbill
41-45, M
Sep 25, 2012