Leda Ann

Good morning, my story is about domestic violence, not a pretty one. I have an older sister, ihad a younger sister who was murdered by her abusive husband in 1981.My sisters and i were raised in a household with an alcoholic mother and domestic violence was strong. we witnessed things no child should ever see. my 2 sisters married men who beat them. My older sister was beat on several occasions, she was smart and divorced. My younger sister not so,she left this world at the hands of a selfish ***., Who took his own cowardly life.My sister was only 35 years old and left three sons , the youngest was only 15. The *** took my sisters life on his birthday.Our family was changed forever. If  you know anyone living in an abusive relationship please encourage them to get out.Iknow it is not easy, and if there are children it is worse.Children do not do as we say, they do as we do. What we accept we teach, and this is my philosophy the first time a man hits or verbally abuses you it is his fault the second time IT IS YOUR FAULT  thank you Mother

mother mother
61-65, F
5 Responses Apr 28, 2007

I've through trial and error and researching as much about relationships, development and family issues that women who grow up in bad homes gravitate toward men who mistreat and abuse them both psychologically and physically.<br />
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I had no idea I was in abusive relationship because I grew up in a bad home. I had no idea I grew up different than others. It wasn't until June 22, 2011 - two weeks before my 29th birthday - that I faced the glaring truth. My former father had struck me for the third time in as many weeks. I was a grown woman still getting slapped around by her father and dating an older man who said I couldn't be treated with respect because I wasn't pretty enough. I'm an intelligent, successful, educated woman, but it wasn't until that last punch that I finally figured out that my world wasn't the way it should be. It wasn't the way everybody else's was. And I only figured it out because the police I finally called told me it was wrong.<br />
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It was then that I've cut off my parents both financially and emotionally. There is no communication whatsoever. Weeks later, I cut off the boyfriend, who had said that I deserved that treatment - this said after I asked him to accompany me to the grocery store. <br />
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I reached a point where I had to make a decision, and I've stuck with it. The point of life is to get from start to finish with as many happy days as possible. Those people who suck away more happy days than they contribute must go.<br />
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Leda Ann, I am so sorry for your loss and the cards this world has dealt you. I am so sorry that there's no way to rewind time and prevent the abuse and murder of your loved one. There are two points to this lengthy message: 1. End the cycle! For god's sake end the cyce of abuse! 2. Embrace happiness and good people and run fearlessly away from those that prevent your joy from thriving.<br />
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I just prayed that you would be able to find peace.<br />
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Best wishes.

true, a very sobering story. i was also in an emotionally, mentally abusive marriage. i only used to think about the physical side of abuse and it was after i left and went to a support group for abused women, did i realize the many kinds of abuse there are. i too, hope i am strong enough to never allow that to happen again. here,here to your quote " the first time their fault, anything more is yours" wow!

What a sobering story. I too witnessed wife abuse the first 5 years of my life. It made a mark on my soul that has never gone away. Your advice to get out of a relationship if anyone physically hurts you is very good. I decided when I was very young that nobody would ever hit me or physically abuse me. I have stuck to that rule for myself. But, I never realized about the mental abuse part and was in a mentally abusive marriage for 13 years and then another marriage for 11 years. I have felt like I played 2nd fiddle all my life - that I have never been loved just for me but what I could do for another person. I did my best but it was never enough. And when all was said and done, I was still playing 2nd fiddle. They say we train people how to treat us. Learning what we need in a person and the ability to tell them is another problem. I wish you all the best in your relationships and hope that healing comes to your hearts.

Hi MOther,<br />
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I am sorry that this has happened in your life. I hope that you are doing okay. I was in an emotionally/verbally abusive marriage for 20 years. I have been out 5 years, but still trying to get my life together. I have anxiety/panic and long for a peaceful world.<br />
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Please take care.<br />
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Kathy

You sure have been through a lot in your life, but I can see how strong and determined you are. I've been through the beat and abusive faze too. It sure makes people stronger and it makes us protect ourself more, though it can lower our self esteem. I'm really glad of how you handled all of what you've been through. You seem like you're secure and sure about yourself and I really encourage that in all people. I hope that you moved on with your life. Just consider all of that from the past, and just keep your head up for the future and everything will be just fine.