Eyes Wide Open

I guess I could either title this story Eyes Wide Open, or November 21, 2005. It doesn't matter. It doesn't erase the trauma, or pain. What happened to me on that day, can't be undone. I can wish that what happened to me, be erased. But those are only wishes. But before I tell you what happened on that day, let me tell you a few things about a girl. A girl I used to be, that is no longer me. But maybe one day we'll meet again.

This girl is a beautiful, smart, kindhearted, confident, little girl. She is the tiniest of her family. She has huge, dark brown eyes, that she got from her dad, and eye lashes thick and long. She has a tiny little nose, and tiny little ears. Everyone used to call her peanut. She would dangle off of people's arms like a monkey. Not once did this little girl frown. Even when she had missing teeth, she was always smiling. She always told her parents she loved them, every single day. She loved being a daddy's girl, and her mommy's little angel. She had thick dark brown hair, with natural soft curls, that curled toward the back of her hair. She loved her older sister more than anything, and looked up to her. She is her role model. This little girl knew of no pain or sadness. But happiness and love. As she grew older, she became in love with basketball, as did her sister. She played basketball, softball, soccer and lacrosse. But basketball was always her favorite. She would box-out the biggest girls, with no fear of getting hurt. The game of basketball, was natural to this girl. Like breathing. When she was 10, she joined a very competitive AAU team. The Cincinnati Angel's. She loved her team. It was a second home, a second family. Her team went to the nationals over the summer of 05' in Orlando, Florida. It was a magical moment in her 11 year old life. Little did she know, that when summer was over, and fall swept in, that the pain and horror, would soon begin.

November 21, 2005. I remember this day just as clear as the finest crystal. How could I not? I was only 11. The awkward years. Pre-teen this, and pre-teen that. It was my awkward year, just as anyone else. Every fall I would get bronchitis. Every fall was the same. Except this fall would be different from the others. I just got back from having an amazing time in Orlando, and was in the 6th grade. I had high hopes for myself, and what this year had to hold for me. I am only 5'2, which is little. I have tiny bone like features, I'm not big boned or anything like that. So when I started to get sick, no one could tell, even myself. I was extremely active and involved with basketball, to even pay attention to what my body was trying to tell me. Even my parents. Everyone thought that when I started looking thinner and thinner, it was because of basketball. No one ever thought that my organs were beginning to shut down, and I was slowly dying. I was shutting down, but yet, was still going. Just like every fall, I got bronchitis. The usual. But this time, not so usual. Usually I had bronchitis for a week, and then antibiotics would help, and I'd be good to go. But everything went downhill. Slowly, over the weeks, I stopped eating. Maybe a few bites here and there of something, but then it was no eating completely. All I did, and wanted was to drink. It was like I had been trapped in a desert, without water for years. I could not get enough liquids. I was drinking liquids every second, minute, hour of the day. But what happens when you drink so much? You have to pee, like ALL the time.I was urinating so much I never could keep track. I would sit in the bathroom, and splash cold water on my face for hours, like I was a fish that was out of water, and needed to be put back in the water immediately. That's what it was like. I slept with a cold wash cloth every night. My parents, and I though maybe it was the flu, or the bronchitis hadn't completely gone away. No body knew that over the course of 3 weeks, I would have gone from bronchitis, to almost dead. Barley living. The morning of November 21, 2005, I stayed home from school. I don't even know I got up, and got myself to the bathroom to look at myself, but I did. And what I saw was horrific. My hair, that used to be thick and beautiful, was dried out, and paper thin, greyish looking. My whole body looked greyish looking. My nails were paper thin too, and dried out looking, my rib cage was sticking out, along with my collar bone. I was wearing a size 00. My tiny little face, was so hollowed out, grey, and disgusting. My eyes, that beautiful dark brown with so much life, were smaller, lighter brown, with no life in them. My cheek bones were sunken in to where it looked like I was doing the fishy face. My breathe was very fruity smelling. Everything hurt, from my scalp, to my toes. I had very shallow breathing, and droopy eyes. My nana called my mom from work and said that I need to get into see my pediatrician right away. So I laid down on the couch, waiting for my mom to take me. My big white lab, Scooter (RIP) came and put his head on my arm first, then my head. He wouldn't leave my side, he just stayed like that until my mom got home, and then my dad. My nana kept saying that my breathe smelled fruity. And that I still didn't eat that morning, but drank all of the milk and Gatorade in the fridge. My dad was on the computer looking up my symptoms. Then he called my mom and nana into the room. I was still laying there, wondering what the were talking about, and if I could go to sleep yet. You see, some part of me deep down, kept saying, "Taylor, keep your eyes open, wide open. Just a little bit longer. Hold on." So I did. Despite how badly I wanted to close my eyes, and just lay there. Finally me and my mom got to the pediatricians, rather quickly. I laid in her lap, holding on for my life, and not closing my eyes. The nurse finally came to check my blood sugar, and told me to pee in a cup. Then we waited. My moms couldn't sit still, and I kept thinking, why doesn't she just sit down. I was staring at a picture of zebras in a group, in running together. I wanted to be with them. They looked so free, and peaceful. Finally, my doctor came in and sat down right away. Right then and there I knew something was very, very wrong. You see my pediatrician, I've known for a very long time, he was apart of the family. He always came in a joked with us, and made us laugh. It didn't matter if we had an ear infection of bronchitis. He never came in, and sat right down. Never. The next words that came out of his mouth, I will carry with me, for the rest of my life. "Wendy, you need to go home right away, and pack a bag for Taylor and yourself. Then you need to go straight to Children's Hospital's emergency room, they're already waiting for her, I called them." " What are you talking about?" my mom clearly didn't know what he was talking about. "Wendy, Taylor's blood sugar read above 700, it didn't even give us a precise number. She has Type 1 Diabetes." I didn't say anything. I just sat there, lifeless, motionless, as my mother sobbed. Truthfully, I couldn't feel anything. Didn't process anything. I didn't even know what he meant by what he said. I just kept thinking, can I close my eyes now?
tayybayy tayybayy
18-21, F
2 Responses Sep 9, 2012

wow. that made me cry. I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. keep fighting though! I have OCD and IBS which isn't as bad but I feel you so much. I remember when I got rushed to the hospital after passing out in PE. Anyway, keep chugging! That's what I always tell myself

That's a really depressing story, and I'm sorry again about what you had to go through. Thankfully you have became a stronger person now, and I respect and admire what you had to go through. You're a really strong girl. :) And I hope that you continue fighting on.