Don't Want To Go Back

I went to one a few months ago (end of Feb.), and It was the first time I had gone. The beginning of 9th grade I became severely depressed. started cutting myself and my the time Febuary was around, I was about to try and commit suicide and it was all I could think about. The swimming unit in P.E. was just starting and I knew I couldn't go b/c I had hundreds of cuts up and down my arms and legs. So I went to the school social worker and told her, which I absouletly hated but it was either: failing PE/ people knowing that I cut myself/ or telling someone. And then she asked the question: are you suicidal. I said yes, and just like that she called my parents- who I must say, knew NOTHING at all of my depression and self harm, so she practically suprised my mom by saying that your daughter is suicidal and cuts her self. Anyways, they made me go to the hospital and I was there for about 2 1/2 weeks. It wasn't too bad and it got my mind of things, but It didn't help in the least. Quite honestly, it was just the stupidest thing (for me, not for other people). They also put me on anti-depressants and meds. for my sleeping. I pretty much just did whatever they told me, barely talked and finally was discharged. And then that was when my depression really got bad. I tried committing suicide twice, and still no-one knows. I don't tell my therapist anything at all and wish my parents would just let me not go anymore. But I've been starting to feel better, but for some reason I still just want to die. So all-in-all, going to the hospital didn't help me at all, and I don't ever want to go back.
nannook nannook
13-15, F
1 Response Jul 11, 2010

I will admit its hard to tell anyone about depression but tell them about your feelings they should help you I mean it's hard but get the courage to I support you now go out there and tell em go get em