Desperate For Love

the first time ive been in a mental hospital was when i was sixteen the june of sophmore year. that year all i wanted was acceptance. the beginning of sophmore year i loved a boy name sam. i was ready to give up my virginity to him and it would be the first time too for him. he held it off and instead had sex with another girl. it killed me. i felt so heartbroken and ashamed of myself. after that i went through a downward spiral grabbing onto any guy i could to make me feel something. it never worked and i kept on slipping. i overdosed and my parents sent me to therapy. one day i just broke down in her office and i was sent to a hospital. i didnt even think that mental hospitals werent real, it was like a secret to me. and during my stay i realized that were all crazy. every single damn one of us. the people in mental hospitals are the ones strong enough to understand they cant face it alone and need help. were all spiraling, were all reaching for something to hold onto. but it will stop. there is always love surrounding you everyday. we need to appreciate the small victories. write a list everyday it helps me

now after three visits to the mental hospital, i feel branded in a way. the guys ive told because i felt something for them ive pushed away because of my diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. its so hard because sometimes its so hard to control my emotions and i just flip out sometimes at these guys and im left alone. i really hate that and i just wish that theres someone out there who understands this. if not i hope that ive given you good advice or someone to atleast confide in.
emcgarry emcgarry
1 Response Jul 19, 2010

I know what its like to be heartbroken