But not as a patient. 2 years ago, working as an intern psychologist i had to have one of my clients hospitalized. It felt like the hardest and most unfair decision i had to make so early on in my career.

I never left her side the whole day we were there waiting for blood tests and other stupid things. I remember by the time we actually got her into the psychiatric ward it was late at night. we were both cold, exhausted and mad at each other. She had better reasons to be mad at me but I was mad at her for begging me not to leave her there. I was mad at her for making that the only option. And i was mad at her for looking at me like i was abandoning her. when we walked into that clinical ward that night, seeing all those other patients, the reality of it only hit me then and i couldnt believe i was doing that to her...

I'll never forget that day. That whole experience. I did everything i could all the time that she was there to make her feel less abandoned but i know i cant possibly fathom what that must have been like for her. I dont regret making the decision to have her hospitalized but it was incredibly difficult. So i empathize...

TheRealMimi TheRealMimi
31-35, F
2 Responses Aug 13, 2010

It's really lovely that you stayed by her side the whole night, having been hospitalized 5 times in the past 4 years I know it can be a really frightening, lonely experience, mostly for the fear of the unknown, and I know it must have been so comforting to have a trusted allay by her side. I'm sure it was the best thing for her, often it's the only option, although it's a hard one to make, even when the choice seems simple. I've only gone after suicide attempts, except the last time, this year, when my mom found a collection of 400 pills in my room and a pre-written suicide note. Although, she was probably terrified at the thought of possibly loosing me, I know it was a really agonizing decision to call the police and have me taken away again. But her decision kept me from attempting to, and possibly affectively, kill myself. I'm sure you're a wonderful psychologist!

Absolutely. Ultimately what i learnt from that experience and pretty much my whole internship is that you cant rescue people. Like u said they have to go thru the trials of it themselves. U can be the support but not the saviour.