I Am Still Going To My Mental Clinic

I think I was in a coma..,. I ran away from home too many times thinking all the people were out to get me and I thought my family were trying to kill me and that I was a stolen kid. I have brain damages due to Anorexic I had done to myself as well as Laxatives about 7 pills of it a day and starved myself for two months after breaking off my engagement with my ex-fiance and I am single at the moment, SURELY I have not been in touch of any of my friends since they know I am mental and they feel disgusted at the thought of who I have become. "Oh She used to be beautiful" " Oh poor lady I think she died of Anorexia "

After having a coma, Well I was given a tranquilizer or a sedative what-you-call-it, after staying up for 48 hours straight and I thought the doctors were demons, death people so I PASSED OUT before being given two shots of sedative. And mother has just told me, I have just found out that I had been given that and I wonder it has been evil inside my body and it is making my body go insane if I don't go any days without my pill and I am paranoia and I am told I would have Schizophrenia and I have been on medication, I have been drinking Seroquel and Risperidone and these medicine are for Schizophrenic patients and I wonder Why Have I Gotta Drink these? But I have Insomniac and Bulimia and Bipolar Disorder and other phobias such as Achlouphobia, Acoustic Phobia, Agoraphobia, Androphobia,Anthropophobia, Autophobia, Japanese culture-specific Syndrome and some others.

And mom has just told me last night when I was having a bath with my mom that I used to scream outside in the middle of the night? I certainly don't remember any of these things and now I have been going to the mental clinic for almost over two months now and I'm japanese; I didn't think  that I was actually Japanese at that time until about 1 or 2 weeks ago and I have 4 inks myself and I have my name on my right arm to remind myself for who I am. And just because I have 4 tattoos Japanese people think I'm yakuza and a burn-out or something. I'm so out of this prison. I would love to live in the United States Of America. Well Japan, it's my country...I'm still recovering like you,  I'm always scared to death that everyone is ashamed of my existence. So I don't go outside at all, never ever to city for shopping and anything. 

Thank you very much for reading. Love from Japan.
Marypoppinsmaria Marypoppinsmaria
18-21, F
5 Responses Apr 18, 2011

Ahhh sadly I kinda know how you feel I've had some of those feelings myself
Hope you feel better though :)

Love back to you from Canada <3 Hope you are stronger and happier

That you very much dorobo..

Hello, Koyptakh<br />
Thanks loads for your comment I really appreciate what you have written here. I hope to think positively and go on and move on with my life soon. ( sooner the better I know.... ) I hope you are having a great time wherever you are.<br />
<br />
Lots Of Love from Japan

HI Marypoppinsmaria<br />
I am not ashamed of your existence. I am sorry you have had a hard time.<br />
I believe that there is nothing wrong with you. I believe that you are simply intelligent and have created a tableaux. It is magnificent - if painful for you. Do as you wish next. You can do as you wish.<br />
Respect<br />