One Crazy Trip I'd Like to Forget (EDITED)


Time to repress another memory" - Lisa Simpson

Yeah, I have, but I try to forget it. The hospital is not the Hilton, hell it's not even the Hanoi Hilton (okay, that may be a tad extreme).  It's bad enough having a mental illness, being caged and observed like zoo animals is enough to make a Normal crack. 

There is such a cultural stigma on mental illness, it's hard to believe that most of America suffers from it.  Self-hatred pie, anyone? In American society it has become widely unacceptable to openly hate or discriminate against minorities, with the exception of gay people and, of course, the mentally ill.  Why?  Because people, mind you that the "people" concerned are Christian conservatives and the inbred (often mutually inclusive), believe these are choices.  Oh yeah, I'm sure gay people and us Crazy folk* woke up one morning and said, "Gee, I haven't been discriminated against in a while, what kooky lifestyle could I feign for the rest of my days that would get me more of that action?"

Unless you're Crazy*, you will likely never fully understand the huge struggle it is every day, not only to deal with your illness, but also to overcome "everyday" obstacles, and to battle what I personally and lovingly call "mentalism" (think: racism against crazy people). 

*Let me add that I can use the word "crazy" because I am, and that Normals are not under any circumstance given permission to use the "c word".  You've been warned!  Trust me you don't want to get the Crazies mad. :-)  A note to other Crazies (and Normals alike): please HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR AND DON'T SEND ME HATE MAIL about the blatantly obvious sarcasm in this experience.

DayDreamBeliever says "Take your happy pills or you will become us"

"Manic depression is touching my soul
I know what I want but I just dont know
How to, go about gettin it
Feeling sweet feeling,
Drops from my fingers, fingers
Manic depression is catchin my soul"

~"Manic Depression" by Jimi Hendrix (C)


"they say I gotta learn, but nobody's here to teach me
if they can't understand it, how can they reach me
I guess they can't, I guess they won't
I guess they front, that's why I know my life is out of luck, fool"

~Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise" (C)


"I'm so happy. Cause today I found my friends.
They're in my head. I'm so ugly. But that's ok.
'Cause so are you. We've broke our mirrors.
Sunday morning. Is everyday for all I care.
And I'm not scared. Light my candles. In a daze cause I've found god."

~"Lithium" by Nirvana (C)

 

daydreambeliever daydreambeliever
18-21, F
4 Responses Apr 3, 2007

I have a manic depressive boyfriend, he has been in mental hospital twice.<BR>I accept it, I know him for more than 7 years, but can not really understand it although. <BR>You are right mental illness is so what unaccepted, nobody of my friends understands when i speak about my boyfriends problems, so he begs me not to tell anyone..... but this is so hard, too...

gee, I could write on this story forever, though I have never been inside "the nest" as my friendlies and I refer to it (yes, cause of the classic movie) I have witnessed many people, whom suffer from severe mental conditions get "treated and released" in as little as 45minutes, whereas everyday "normal" people, simply have a bad day, week, whatever - maybe have a small "breakdown" due to some overwhelming life stress or something and BLAMO - their locked up for a month getting pill after pill shoved down their neck to remedy the problem - and by the time they figure out they have to lie over and over just to get the hell out of there, they've received no real help and are usually more in need afterwards! I would imagine their prob looking for the dang spaceship that dropped them off after the "abduction"!!!

Daydreamer... Didn't I talk to you in the MH ward??? Somewhere we must have experienced some kind of mind osmosis, cause they really are called Normals aren't they? I used to be a good guy, counseling. Then I went into the ward and became a bad guy. And that's all there was to it. I loved it... and hated my treatment. I mean, even prisoners get to go outside. Twenty-five days in lock up. My best friends were my fellow bad guys. I won't write about this anywhere else, cause I don't want to loose credibility when others I try to interact with for various (sometimes not-so like-minded) reasons connect with me (often for not so benevolent reasons). But yes, there is a stigma. And no, not wise to call me or any other crazy a crazy... but I'd have to say, there are exceptions... I mean... at the risk of sounding un-pc... most minorities that have had a typical upbringin, ie, not isolated from their culture, probably know what it is to be crazy. Normal, I would say, includes only a small, albeit apparently dominant and currently in control sect, however short-lived their continued domination may be. Their the only ones who shouldn't use the term, since their mental meaning would be completely skewed from the actual meaning we would use the term for... that is... either to mock the generally accepted understanding of someone who's wandered far off the beaten path, or to label something that is so beyond acceptable even for the crazies that it is most definitely crazy. Violent crime and reckless destruction. Lets face it, even us crazies don't act like that, well, not all the time. But there is a difference between the state of being a "crazy" and a crazy act. <br />
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Its great that you comment on how difficult it is to deal with normal life everyday. I felt somewhat alone being so long out of the crazy house. Like my own personal purpose in life somehow put me on this mental hardship plane alone. Only grief from sickness, poverty, and death really kept me anchored and appreciating my own struggle as not so bad. But there's comfort in knowing others struggle daily too. Is it like a feeling in your brain that continues despite whatever other thrills and emotions are going on in your body and soul?<br />
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And awesome songs you picked. I take heart every time a song comes on that speaks of the internal metaphysical struggle of the soul. It seems that musicians quite typically know and grapple with that war, and surprisingly without often falling prey to public mental illness.

I like this entry. It's sad, because of the unfortunate reality through your [fantastic] sarcasm. But, on the other hand, it shows a real brilliance within you. <br />
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*hugs*<br />
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P.S. And I totally agree, they ARE mutually inclusive.