I Wanted To Get Help...

Last September, I went to a Mental Hospital. I was 15 years old at the time, and had extreme Social Anxiety Disorder, so much so that It prevented me from going to school.

Because I couldn't socialize like normal kids my age..i felt like there was something seriously wrong with me. I knew that my previous experience with bad bullying from 1st to 8th grade had something do to with it..but I still felt like I was ****** up..

And so I got depressed...my mom would yell and cuss at me forcing me by whooping me with belts to go to school and face what I called hell. When she finally realized something was really wrong with me, she took me to the doctor...I told them how I was suicidal...told them of my plans..

To drown myself in the tub..or step in front of a train..because without an education my life is pointless.....Theres no way i could make it..so i might as well end my suffering

That day I ended up in the mental hospital.

I said i wanted to go when they suggested it.
I wanted to get better, and go back to school. My mom was upset, my dad was pissed..but I went.

It was scary, me being away from my parents and around so many other kids. I thought it was stupid to put ME, a girl with severe social anxiety around Loud people who cuss fight and scream and have gotten arrested several times.

Being there didn't help. I felt trapped. They taught us 'Not to bully' and 'How to use our brains first' and the group lessons never revolved around depression or anxiety or any of my problems..Just behavioral ones about how to handle Anger. They didn't let us close our doors, and we didn't have locks. I couldn't wear bras with wires and they took our blood every other day....The teachers were rude to the girls and called them names they shouldn't.

I think the only valuable thing I got out of it, is them prescribing me meds, and me learning that I in fact COULD make a friend, if i tried..and also that I wasn't that ugly like I thought I was. Though the girls had problems..they all seemed to like me. One girl who has been arrested so much, she sincerely looked at me and said

"You are a good kid. Stay the way you are. Don't listen to all that bullshit they tell you about Sex, and Violence, It aint worth **** man, but I can't get out of it" Something along those lines..I was shocked.

I actually made a Friend named Jennifer though we don't keep in contact now, but she really liked me! She was socially awkward like me, had the same problems, but we played games together..connected. It was amazing and taught me, that if I set my mind to it..I could.

Also I got my first kiss there! But not getting into details :3

I'm still struggling, but have no had suicidal thoughts since last December. I don't go to school yet, but I am looking forward to virtual schooling. I currently have no friends, but am texting a few people I met online successfully.

I am slowly recovering.
MiniskirtsNeverHurt MiniskirtsNeverHurt
18-21, F
Dec 2, 2012